Disquiet
by Quatermass
Summary: (Inspired by, but not a complete answer to, whitetigerwolf's 'Protector' challenge. Evil James and Sirius! WBWL!) Discarded by the Light, they grew up in the mean streets of Roanapur. Harry Potter and Hydra Lestrange became the Sawyer Twins, Hal and Frederica, the best cleaners in Roanapur. But their past has come back to haunt them...or have they come back to haunt their pasts?
1. Foreword

**FOREWORD**

While searching the challenge forums of whitetigerwolf, I decided to accept their Protector challenge, a WBWL story, but with Harry and his rather dark paramour (anything from a villain to an antihero) having to head back to Britain to stop Voldemort. Deciding on the right pairing was difficult: I considered X-23, aka Laura Howlett/Kinney from _X-Men_ , but found my wherewithal to write it down lacking.

But then, I considered another possibility. While I am yet to read up to her scenes in _Black Lagoon_ , I found whitetigerwolf's suggestion of Sawyer the Cleaner intriguing. So, I decided to give that a shot. The first attempt, _Killing Floor_ , got rave reviews from the sample chapter posted in _The Cauldron_ , but I was dissatisfied with the way the story was turning out. So I decided to step back, rethink it, and rewrite it.

Remember, do not send me challenges. I may have accepted the one above, but I generally don't, with the ones I do being exceptions to the rule. Anyway, I haven't adhered to ALL of the criteria for the challenge, as you'll find out.

Anyway, time for the usual disclaimers. Firstly, there will be spoilers for both Harry Potter and _Black Lagoon_. In addition, there will be James Potter and Sirius-bashing at the least. These characters in particular are going to be way darker than in canon, or indeed any of my own works…save maybe for _Verdant Magic_ for James.

Secondly, there will be heavy annotations, as is usual for my works. You have been warned.

Thirdly, this is an M-Rated work. There will be coarse language, violence, very dark themes and sexual references. Again, you have been warned.

Finally, the following is a fan-written work. Harry Potter and _Black Lagoon_ are the properties of their respective owners. Please support the official release. Otherwise, Sawyer will set to you with a chainsaw…


	2. Chapter 1: The Mute Twins

**CHAPTER 1:**

 **THE MUTE TWINS**

Roanapur. George Lucas, when writing of Mos Eisley, had Obi-Wan Kenobi describe it as a 'wretched hive of scum and villainy'. He may very well have been speaking of Roanapur. A city in southeast Thailand, it was very much a hub for many criminal activities, and indeed had a number of criminal gangs, some vying for supremacy, others willing to keep the status quo. It was at once a violent and yet strangely stable place. It was filled with life not in the same way a corpse is filled with life, with maggots and scavengers and the like, but filled with life in the way a jungle was.

Life was hard and harsh on the streets. This wasn't to say one couldn't live here legitimately, and earn a legitimate livelihood. But the criminal element was somewhat more pronounced here than usual around the world. It may not be the most crime-ridden location on Earth, perhaps not even making it into the top ten, but it was certainly at the extreme end of the bell curve.

The thing about crime, especially violent crime, is that it is messy. This is a result of the human body containing a lot of mess. Blood, viscera, faecal matter, urine, etc. Mess tends to draw comment, and while the crime bosses have considerable sway in Roanapur, there are times when they need messes cleaned up, and someone to deal with the bodies and blood. Sometimes, they need someone to also mess up a perfectly intact and alive body, and turn it into a mess, as a message.

There are two people who fit these criteria. They are both known as the Sawyer Twins, and very little is known about these silent sentinels, only that they are both frequently clad in surgical scrubs and goggles when they are met, and are rather slender. In truth, they are not siblings, though they are, albeit very distantly, related. They were also, at least for the past few years, lovers. It would have been surprising to those not in the know that one of the pair was a young woman. And despite the fact that they had been cleaners for some time, they were also young, with the woman just barely out of her teens. But they were old in spirit.

People didn't talk about the past in Roanapur. The past was a closed book, at least before you came here. But soon, the Sawyer Twins' past would come back to haunt them…or perhaps it was they who would come back to haunt their pasts…

* * *

Light peeked in through the bedroom, where a pair of forms were curled up on the bed, both naked, both about the same age. The young woman had her scarred arms around the young man's body, her breasts pressed into his back. On the wall was a movie poster for _Army of Darkness_ , and another for _The Texas Chainsaw Massacre_. Tattered forensic science journals were on the floor and a desk, with said desk also having, amongst other things, a disc-like device on a choker, and a rod-like device.

The young man was about nineteen, with a messy mop of black hair, his handsome, if rather lugubrious, features were marred by a jagged scar on his forehead, like a lightning bolt, as well as rather sunken eyes. These sunken eyes were shared by the woman, who also had short, brown hair, and a face that would have been considered beautiful, had it not been for the usually-apathetic or morbid expressions that were on it normally, though the blissful repose helped soften up features hardened by life before and in Roanapur. Massive scars were on their necks, like a perverse necklace of keloid tissue.

As light entered through the window, the pair stirred gently. The young woman opened her eyes first, and then her smile widened a little. She closed her eyes briefly, inhaling the scent of her lover through her nostrils, savouring it like a bouquet of flowers, before she sighed in satisfaction. She clambered off the bed, just in time for the young man to open his eyes, and get a wonderful view of her callipygian rear.

What followed was a conversation nobody else would hear. It was a conversation carried on by a special link between them, a link they had shared since the incident that gave them the scars on their throats, an incident that had robbed them of their voices, and almost their lives. Their eyes tended to be dull with unhappiness, but their voices in their minds had a vitality their eyes, or indeed the electrolarynxes they used, lacked.

 _Morning, Rica. Sleep well?_ the young man asked, his thoughts heavy with sleepiness.

The woman smiled. _Very well given last night, Hal. If we weren't mute, the neighbours would be complaining._

 _Not that we really have any neighbours, which is just as well_ , Hal said. _Between our business and our pleasure, well_ …

Frederica 'Rica' Sawyer chuckled mutely. Dealing with bodies, especially live ones, was a noisy business. Especially as her weapon of choice was a chainsaw. Which is far harder than it sounds: chainsaws are dangerous enough to use even when they are being used for their intended purpose of cutting through wood. They had a tendency to kick back in a way that would possibly end up with the user getting a face (or another body part) filled with chainsaw, not an amenable state of affairs as one would imagine. Being used as a weapon, despite what Hollywood would tell you, was even more dangerous than using it as intended. But Rica (only Hal could call her that) could swing that thing like Leatherface or Ash Williams. Not that she generally had much call to use it as a weapon.

Hal's weapon of choice could be called a cattle prod, in the same way that a modern battleship could be considered a boat. He walked with a limp (courtesy of a gunfight he and Rica got caught up in during their formative years in Roanapur), and he used a walking stick whenever he walked abroad. Said stick could also be used as a baton, or as an electroshock weapon with a number of settings, including 'Defecate' (he got the idea for that setting from watching an episode of _Bottom_ that Chang had sent him a tape of(1)), 'Knock-Out', 'Defibrillate', 'Heart-Stopper', 'Char-Broil', and, at its strongest setting, 'Thunderstruck'. The only human victim of that last setting…well, Bao still griped about the smell of barbequed human flesh and excrement in the courtyard of the Yellow Flag, and how it took him days to find all the bits.

Balalaika had wanted to replicate the walking stick for sale on the black market, the wily Russian having a hand in weapons sales, but sadly, Hal could only produce a few more, partly because magic was involved in the creation of them, and it took time and too many rare materials to create them. So Balalaika was content to keep the walking sticks for her own men. Hal called his Mjolnir. It may not have been a hammer, but whatever.

 _Incidentally, apparently Revy nearly shot the hell out of Rock yesterday. They managed to kiss and make up, well, figuratively speaking. I thought that guy was a bit of a wimp, albeit one who manages to kick arse when push comes to shove, but someone who's able to stare down Revy when she's in one of her 'Charles Whitman Fever' moods has got to have titanium balls_ , Hal said as he got up and stretched.

Rica looked like she was about to call bullshit, before she said, _When did you hear this?_

 _When I was out getting the take-away_ , Hal said. _I ran into them both just after Watsup let them go. Rock did most of the talking. I'm glad Revy didn't shoot him. Apparently things have been tense since they were sent to retrieve stuff from that sunken German sub. But now, Revy likes him, I think. I know Balalaika does. She's got that look in her eyes that she had when she talks to me and some of her men_.

Rica scoffed. _She sent us the bodies of some fools she had interrogated recently. Last I heard, she intends to liquidate the Columbian Cartels soon._

Hal frowned. _That's weird. I think the Lagoon Company have to do a job for them today, last I heard from Dutch. I think they had to pick up some heroin or something. Hopefully, Balalaika won't turn on them. She's nice to those she likes, and is polite and courteous to everyone else, save for outright enemies. If you're her enemy, you might as well bend over and kiss your arse goodbye. I prefer dealing with her than Revy, though. Revy's like a bottle of nitroglycerine with tits_.

Rica snorted at his frequent and not inaccurate assessment of Revy 'Two-Hands', infamous for her skilled gunplay. While Hal was on relatively good terms with the mercurial gunwoman, Revy was known for a hair-trigger temper, and a bad relationship with Bao of the Yellow Flag bar, partly because Bao blamed Revy for whatever happened when a massive gunfight or something happened. Rock, whose real name was Rokuro Okajima (Hal had to admit, Dutch was right: 'Rock' was a punchier and cooler name), caused one of those when the company he once worked for tried to have him murdered, and a disc he had retrieved, when Rock first joined the Lagoon Company. Well, he was kidnapped by Revy.

Rebecca 'Revy Two-Hands' Lee was not an easy person to get to know. While when calm, and not having anyone pry into her past, she was quite amiable, she also was quite volatile (to say the least), mercurial, and prone to frequent acts of physical violence. She was dangerous enough when swearing her head off and firing off her handguns like something out of a John Woo movie, but when she got serious and quite with her guns out…well, that was the time to bend over backwards and kiss your arse goodbye, and hope that you weren't the person who pissed her off. Hal knew that Dutch called that state 'Charles Whitman Fever', after the notorious mass murderer.

Thankfully, Hal had never encountered Revy in the grips of that state, but she was lethal enough when she lost her temper. He could consider the Chinese-American a friend, but she was a volatile enough woman even to her friends and comrades. Only Dutch or Balalaika could ever consistently calm her down. Hal actually preferred the company of Benny and Dutch. Benny was closer to a normal guy than Dutch or Revy, and Dutch, despite his ruthlessness, was a nice guy, once you got past the whole 'scary big black man who claimed to be a Vietnam veteran' thing. And from what he saw of Rock, Hal liked Rock too, though he reckoned that, if Rock survived beyond his first few months in Roanapur, it'd be a miracle.

Revy, however, was freaked out by the fact that Hal was a wizard, and knew magic. The Statute of Secrecy was looser here in Roanapur than in most other places in the world, so they could get away with more things here. And in a town filled with strange criminals, magic was just seen as another advantage…as long as you could survive.

Hal had a pair of most unusual teachers, though, and it was these teachers that allowed him to tutor Rica. That, plus some books their most frequent customer and former boss Mr Chang, as well as Balalaika, smuggled in, helped them become proficient in magic. Not that they used it much. Overspecialisation did tend to become a weakness, after all…

* * *

As Rica went about her grisly work, whistling beneath her surgical mask as she sawed through the limbs of the latest idiot to piss off Balalaika, Hal heard the buzzer for the 'service door' ring out. He sighed, and went over to the door, and opened it, still in his own scrubs.

"Hi, Sawyer and Sawyer!" the Taiwanese enforcer said with a grin. She was a buxom young woman with dark-hair and a frequent smile on her face and a cheerful demeanour, employed by Chang of the Triad. Unfortunately, her broken English made her sound like a bad Chinese stereotype. "How you two? You busy?" Hal shrugged. "You put translation charm on, yes? I sound like retard in English."

Hal sighed, before he cast the charm on himself (thank Merlin for wandless magic), remembering to set it to Taiwanese Hokkien. He then gestured for her to go ahead. " _Oh, thank God for that. I hate sounding like an idiot_ ," Shenhua said. " _Anyway, I got news from the boss. Mr Chang told me that we've got wizards from England sniffing around, including some old fuck with a long beard and twinkling eyes. We used Occlumency just in case, but they're looking for Harry Potter._ "

Hal felt a chill at hearing that name. His old name. There was a blackboard near the door, and while he had the electrolarynx, he rarely used it while on the job, in case it got filthy. Instead, he scrawled, rather messily, on the blackboard, _Anyone else?_

" _Some greasy-haired prick with a big nose and a pretty sharp tongue_ ," Shenhua said with a shrug. " _Called himself 'severest snake' or something. Seriously, these British wizards have stupid names. There were a couple that looked like cops. They had the look._ "

Hal gave her a thumbs up. He then scrawled on the blackboard, _Thanks, Shenhua_. _Looks like we'll be having visitors soon. But try to stall them for as long as possible if they try to get more out of you. Has Mr Chang told Balalaika?_

Shenhua peered at the blackboard. The translation charm was for spoken rather than written languages, so she read it over, before saying, " _Yeah, he rang her up to warn her. Anyway, I thought I'd let you know. Oh, and they tried to warn us about some supposed Dark Lord's followers. That snake-faced fuckhead Balalaika mentioned? Full of Malt, or something?_ " Shenhua said. " _The one whose followers have the tacky tattoo showing a skull fellating a snake?_ "

Hal snorted at Shenhua's assessment. He then wrote on the blackboard, _It's Voldemort. If he or his Death Eaters come here… give them a Roanapur welcome, okay?_

Shenhua grinned viciously. " _It'll be my pleasure. I'll see you later, okay, Sawyer. Give my regards to your brother._ " Hal didn't bother to correct her. He'd find it amusing when she learned the truth later.

As Shenhua left, Hal returned to where Rica was still dealing with the bodies. On her glance at him from behind her goggles, he said, via their link, _British wizards are nosing around, including that old goat Dumbledore_.

Rica snickered quietly behind her mask, her electrolarynx currently not being worn. She beckoned Hal closer, and then pulled down her mask, and hissed in a hoarse whisper, little more than her breath being shaped by her lips and tongue, " _Then we will have to give them a suitable welcome, shan't we?_ "

Hal chuckled. He had to admit, he was looking forward to it. Soon, they would rue the day they crossed the Sawyer Twins…once known as Harry James Potter…and Hydra Delphini Lestrange…

 **CHAPTER 1 ANNOTATIONS:**

 **So, here you have it. Harry's shacked up with Frederica Sawyer, but his past has come back to haunt him. Then again, maybe he has come back to haunt his past…and Frederica's.**

 **Now, those of you who read** ** _Killing Floor_** **'s first chapter will notice a LOT of changes, not least of which is Sawyer having a rather wizardly name. While writing** ** _Killing Floor_** **, I actually came up with the idea that Sawyer was actually Bellatrix's Squib lovechild. I thought it a good idea. Whether or not she is Voldemort's daughter (a concept I have already visited in** ** _Underground's Champion_** **, my** ** _Undertale_** **crossover) or Rodolphus Lestrange's daughter, I haven't decided yet, though I put in Delphini as her middle name as a sly nod to a certain character.**

 **I also made Harry/Hal mute as a plot point we will get to later. I wanted them to have a bond that made them like a certain pair of creepy murderous twins who may or may not appear later. The electrified walking stick could be considered to be inspired by a number of similar devices. Reno's Electro-Rod from** ** _Final Fantasy VII_** **, Gilgamesh von Wulfenbach's lightning projector in** ** _Girl Genius_** **(especially in volume 4), and, as we will see in the annotations, Richie Rich's faulty souped-up cattle prod from** ** _Bottom_** **.**

 **Also, given a suggestion in the reviews of the first chapter of** ** _Killing Floor_** **in** ** _The Cauldron_** **, I decided to include Harry and Sawyer meeting Roberta. I also decided to use the anime's timeline rather than the manga, as I wanted Revy and Rock to be on better terms by the point of Roberta's arrival.**

 **1.** ** _Bottom_** **is a rather crass British sitcom by the late Rik Mayall and Adrian Edmondson about a pair of rather crude, violent flatmates (Richie Rich, no relation to the comic book character, and Eddie Hitler, again, no relation) and their misadventures. With a lot of violent slapstick and cringe comedy, it can be an acquired taste, but can be hilarious. A running gag in the Halloween episode** ** _Terror_** **is Richie wielding a massive but faulty cattle prod that, every time he uses it, it causes HIM to shit himself. And if you think THAT is bad, wait until you get later into the episode, which involves a Brussel Sprouts concoction that knocks the eater out and gives them literally burning farts for ages.**


	3. Chapter 2: Magic and Maid

**CHAPTER 2:**

 **MAGIC AND MAID**

Hal had, with Rica, decided to have a drink at the Yellow Flag that evening, hoping that would put off any would-be wizarding interference. Outside of their work clothes, dressed in gear that would have been called goth fashion by those not in the know, they were virtually unrecognisable, save to the few who actually knew them (Dutch, Chang, Bao and Balalaika being amongst those fortunate few, along with the Rip-Off Church). Hal and Rica did occasional repair work for Bao, to help mitigate the costs of repairs for his bar. Bao was grateful, and Hal and Rica effectively had unlimited credit, though they didn't abuse it. While they weren't afraid to have hard drink, the dangers of Roanapur meant that drunkenness was not a desirable state.

"Hey, over here!" called out Dutch as they entered the Yellow Flag. They spotted the burly black man and his crew…plus an addition, at a table near the door. There was Revy, dressed, as usual, in a tank top and jean shorts that did little to hide her superb figure. Her Oriental features were framed by black hair tied up in a ponytail. She looked good, but her personality was another matter entirely. Benny was handsome in a geeky way, messy blonde hair framing his face, spectacles in front of his eyes. Rock was dressed, rather awkwardly, in business get up, albeit a bit rumpled. A blonde-haired boy was seated there as well, looking more than a little sulky.

Hal fished out his electrolarynx after pulling a couple of chairs across from a nearby table. " _Dutch_ ," he buzzed, his voice given a Cyberman-like tone by the electrolarynx(1). " _What is it?_ "

"I just wanted to give you a warning about something. Word on the street is that some strange types are looking for you."

"I know Hal, but who's that girl in the goth gear, his sister?" Revy asked.

Hal and Rica snorted. Rica then pressed the disc on her choker, activating it. " _I am Frederica, his lover. We are related, but very distantly. You know us locally as the Sawyer Twins._ "

Revy and Benny stared at them in shock, while Rock merely looked confused. "Umm, who?"

"The Sawyer Twins are…well, local legends," Benny said in awe. "For the past five years, they've worked as cleaners, mostly for the Triads, but they're actually freelance, so anyone who has a job for them, they'll do that job. They're cleaners. They generally clean up some of the more messy places when things go really bad. Like a shootout or something. But they also dispose of bodies…even when they're still alive and kicking. Sometimes, they deal with the bodies in a way to send a message."

"Wouldn't be as tough as Roberta," the boy said sullenly.

"Oi, Hal," Revy snapped. "Does Chinglish know?"

She meant Shenhua, mocking Shenhua's poor grasp of speaking English. Shenhua had a tendency to call Revy by the slur 'Twinkie' in return, as an insult on Revy being Asian-American: yellow on the outside, white on the inside. She also called Revy a whore, given Revy's outfit, but Hal personally thought that Shenhua herself couldn't talk, given the amount of leg she showed with her qipao.

Hal shook his head, and Revy smirked. "Oh, I am so going to hold that over her if she finds out."

" _And the kid?_ " Hal asked.

"Claims to be Garcia Lovelace, heir to the Lovelace family, one of the richest families in South America, or they used to be," Dutch said. "They reside in Venezuela, but have had problems with Columbian criminals for some time. We think the Columbians who hired us are up to something screwy. Speaking of screwy, just after we came back from picking him up, we found a couple of wizards waiting for us. Looked like a couple of cops, well, in terms of how they acted, though they looked pretty weird. One looked like Frankenstein's Monster with a weird eye after he lost a battle with a Great White Shark, and the other was a woman with purple hair. Kept asking about someone called Harry Potter, as well as Hydra Lestrange. Anyway, are you the one they're looking for?"

" _They seem to think so_ ," Hal said. " _Did they give names?_ "

"The man called himself Moody," Benny supplied. "The woman said she was Tonks, but I'm guessing that's a last name, because she got pissed with Moody when he called her Nymphadora."

Revy snorted. "With a name like that, I ain't surprised. Seriously, what names do you guys give each other in not-so-Merry Old England?"

" _Don't blame me. The Purebloods of Magical Britain have a gene pool about as shallow as a puddle_ ," Hal snarked. " _Thanks, Dutch_."

Dutch nodded. "You're welcome, but they didn't seem like the sort of guys who'd take 'no' for an answer. Watch your back."

" _Don't have to tell me twice. Look, Rica and I are just going to have a nice drink at the bar_ ," Hal said. " _See ya_."

Hal and Rica walked over to the bar, and Bao looked up, and nodded. "The usual?" Hal nodded. The pair of them sat down, while Bao made up a Cuba Libre for both of them. As he served them, someone sat down next to Hal. He frowned when he realised that the person was wearing a dress. And not just any dress, but a rather elegant maid outfit.

"Kind sir," the young woman said to Bao, her soft voice having a South American accent. "May I have a glass of milk?"

Bao snorted. He did have milk, but mostly for cocktails rather than to drink. "We don't serve milk here. And don't bother asking for water either. This is a bar. You know, for drinking booze? Do they have those back home?"

Hal found himself glancing at her. So, in a full maid outfit, she had been carrying a rather hefty suitcase marked with stickers from South America, and she had an umbrella. Which, he realised, had a rather thick point, and…was that some sort of trigger? For more than unfurling an umbrella, he wagered. She wore large glasses that all but concealed her eyes when the light hit them, and had a pair of plaits of her dark hair, one for each side of her head. She looked rather cute, but something about her sent his instincts screaming, especially as there had been too many mentions of South America lately. Something told him she had something to do with Dutch's latest job. Her expression was somewhat flat, and that too had him on edge.

Noticing his scrutiny, the maid looked at him as Bao placed a mug of beer in front of her. "Yes?"

Hal brought the electrolarynx to his throat. " _You're looking a bit conspicuous in here, you know that?_ " Hal asked.

"It's my intention," the maid said, with chilling honesty. "Please, tell me. Do you know of whereabouts of the headquarters of the Manislera Cartel?"

Hal's eyes narrowed. " _Maybe. Though it may be a moot point. Why do you ask?_ "

"I have come to find someone. I am a servant in the employ of the Lovelace family."

Hal felt a chill going down his back at that, and he was sure Rica felt the same way. The maid may look fragile, but Hal got the feeling that she was tough as hell. And the Lagoon Company, given that they had a boy who may be the heir to the Lovelace family, might be in her sights.

Just then, Revy stormed up, and snapped, "Bao, I need a Coke!"

"What, did you climb onto the wagon or something, Revy?" Bao snorted.

"It's for the brat, dipshit," Revy snapped, before she saw the maid staring at her. "What?"

"It's nothing," the maid said.

Revy seemed about to snap off a retort, before she noticed Hal. "Oi, Hal, is this another of those British fuckwits?"

" _No. Anyway, she didn't sound British, didn't she?_ " Hal asked. He gestured with his eyes at the maid, and then at her umbrella. " _She's a maid working for the Lovelaces, looking for some friends in the Manislera Cartel. Maybe you could point her in the right direction?_ " He hoped that Revy should be able to get the hint, without tipping off the maid.

Revy did seem to get the hint, because she said, "She'll have to wait. I ain't a bloody tourist map." She then retreated.

"Are you having trouble from the British?" the maid asked.

Hal shrugged. " _A little. I am Hal, and this is Frederica._ "

"Roberta."

A name the Garcia boy mentioned. But before Hal could think about the matter, he heard a nasal voice say, "I am looking for Hal."

" _Who's asking?_ " Hal asked, annoyed, swivelling in his seat. The man who stood there was tall, with lank greasy hair framing a saturnine, dour face with a large nose. Hal knew the man had to be a wizard. In fact, he was pretty sure he knew which one. Thankfully, he seemed to be dressed in normal clothes, in black trousers and a grey shirt.

The man looked him up and down, before saying, "Come with me now."

Hal, after a moment, snarked, " _Whatever you're selling, I don't want any. Now bugger off and go suck an old goat's cock._ "

Laughter burst out around the Yellow Flag. Hal looked at the angered expressions on the man's face, and knew he had hit close to the mark. He wondered how long before he got angry enough to whip out his wand. "Enough lip from you, _Potter_ ," the man snarled, enunciating the last word as if it were the vilest of expletives.

Dutch snorted. "Wow, nobody's that dumb to try a kidnapping right in the Yellow Flag. When was the last dipshit who tried it, Bao?"

"Two years ago. One of Chen's men tried to take a tourist," Bao said, before looking at Hal. "Didn't you deal with him?"

" _Yeah, we did, didn't we?_ " Hal reminisced. " _Good times. Now, let's look at this logically. You're about to start shit, in a bar where half the clientele, plus the bartender, are armed to the teeth. Now, are your critical thinking centres that atrophied by rampant inbreeding that you're going to try and attack in such a situation?_ "

It was then that the door burst open, and a group of thugs that Hal recognised as being from the Manislera Cartel strode in. They pushed the irate wizard aside, causing him to stumble. Hal recognised the leader, Abrego, amongst them. " _Roberta_ ," Hal said. " _You said you wanted to meet the Manislera Cartel?_ "

"Indeed," she said, swivelling in the seat. "May I help you?"

Abrego said, "Funny, _chica_ , that's what we were gonna ask you. Word on the street is that some crazy broad in a maid costume had been going around asking about us. So we thought we'd come and see you in person. You stick out like a sore thumb, what with an outfit right out of a TV drama. So, what's your game?"

 _Rica_ , Hal sent over their link. _Time to go, I think_.

Rica nodded imperceptibly. _What about the moron?_

 _Portkey into the harbour_ , Hal sent back. Rica nodded, and stood after finishing her drink, and Bao, taking notice, looked ready to get into hiding. They walked (well, Hal limped) over to where the Lagoon Company were seated.

The wizard stormed over, only for Hal to take the Coke can that Garcia had been drinking from, turning it into a Portkey, and throwing it at the man, who vanished. " _Time to go_ ," Hal said quietly. " _Last orders. I think your maid has come for you, Garcia, and she's about to go all Schwarznegger on them._ "

"What?" Garcia demanded, as Hal pulled out a scarf (which he only had for situations like this), and turned that into a Portkey.

"What's this?" Rock asked quietly.

" _A Portkey, like the one I used on that idiot. I've given him a dip in the harbour to clean out his hair. This one will only take us just outside. Once everything's died down, hopefully, we'll be able to deal with Roberta._ "

"You think she'll win?" Revy asked sceptically. "The brat was telling tall tales about her, and…"

" _She's a killer, Revy, I know the look. Hold on._ " The group touched the scarf, and soon…

* * *

…they were outside.

Garcia was staring at Hal. "What was that?"

" _Magic._ " Suddenly, the loud concussive boom of a shotgun echoed from within the Yellow Flag. " _Whereas that's a shotgun concealed in an umbrella, I think_ ," Hal said.

"But…that's not like Roberta at all!" Garcia protested.

" _Dutch…do you have Balalaika's number?_ " Hal asked. The burly black man nodded, and handed over his mobile. " _Thanks._ "

The phone was answered in only a couple of rings. " _Hello, Dutch?_ " came the distinctive Slavic purr of Balalaika.

" _No, it's me. Sorry to bother you, Balalaika, but we've got a bit of a situation here._ " Hal winced as more gunfire erupted from within the Yellow Flag, punctuating his point. Patrons fled.

" _Ah, Hal. Yes, I am aware. Of what situation do you speak? The British mages poking their noses in, or something else?_ "

" _The Lovelace kid._ "

" _Ah. What's the situation?_ "

" _The kid is safe, along with the Lagoon Company, Rica and me. The Columbian Cartel and a maid working for the Lovelaces are fighting it out in the Yellow Flag. I'm putting my money on the maid. Call it a gut feeling._ "

" _Yes, I know the one. While she works under the assumed name of Roberta, her true name is Rosarita Tisneros, the Bloodhound of Florencia. She is a former FARC guerrilla, the revolutionary force of Columbia, now working for the Lovelaces in Venezuela. She has either been sent by Diego Lovelace or has come of her own accord to rescue Garcia. Unless the Cartel prevails, remain there. I will come with some of my men. Please, give me to Dutch._ "

" _Sure._ "

As Dutch spoke to Balalaika on the phone, Revy scowled. "So, that bitch was Roberta?"

" _Apparently. Ex-guerrilla._ "

"But…that can't be Roberta! It's…it's not like her to kill…" Garcia murmured in horror.

Rica activated her electrolarynx as Rock tried to comfort the boy. " _She seems to be holding her own pretty well. Hiding a shotgun in an umbrella is neat. It reminds me of how Georgi Markov was murdered by a ricin-containing pellet from an airgun concealed in an umbrella(_ _2)_ _._ "

There was a brief pause, before suddenly, there was a massive explosion. Then, out of the burning doorway strode the figure of Roberta.

"I'm kinda creeped out here," Rock said. "You said she was going to go all Schwarznegger on us, Hal? Well, she's acting like the Terminator."

 _Ha ha_ , Hal thought sardonically. She was intimidating, he had to give her that. Though she had nothing on Rica when something really pissed her off.

Roberta walked forward, unhurriedly, before Dutch held up a hand. "Roberta, was it? Someone wants to talk to you about this."

"There is nothing to talk about. If you value your lives, the young master will come with me."

"Look, the local Russian mafia boss just wanted to talk to you," Dutch said with a shrug. "As far as she is concerned, the kid's yours to bring home. She was going to act against the Manislera Cartel anyway. And if they're all dealt with, we'll let you have the kid." He shot Revy a look when she seemed about to interject.

Roberta, after some consideration, took the proffered phone. Hal knew, though, that the night was still fairly young. And he still had the wizards to deal with…

 **CHAPTER 2 ANNOTATIONS:**

 **So, yeah. We've resolved the Roberta arc a bit more quickly than in canon. Okay, we haven't seen as much of Roberta being fucking awesome, but that's what happens. I hope to have more of Roberta in the story if I can justify it.**

 **1\. For the** ** _Doctor Who_** **stories** ** _The Moonbase_** **and** ** _The Tomb of the Cybermen_** **, Peter Hawkins used a primitive form of electrolarynx to provide the voices of the Cybermen. It was actually more like a false palate that could buzz on cue. Unfortunately, Hawkins recalled in interviews that it had a bad habit of clogging up with saliva. This method was also used by Hawkins for the Cyberplanner in** ** _The Wheel in Space_** **, with Roy Skelton using a different method for the Cybermen proper.**

 **2\. No, this really happened. It was a somewhat infamous incident, where Georgi Markov, a Bulgarian defector who was a playwright and novelist, was murdered in 1978. The assassin is considered to have used a special airgun concealed in an umbrella to fire a small pellet containing ricin into Markov's leg. He died shortly thereafter. Roberta's weapon, while much less subtle, is considerably more badass.**


	4. Chapter 3: Bloodhound, Balalaika,

**CHAPTER 3:**

 **BLOODHOUND, BALALAIKA, BRITISH AND BS**

Bringing in Balalaika was a mixed blessing. The Russian mafia queen (wearing her former Red Army officer's coat over her shoulders like a cape, her beautiful regal features marred by burn scars) saw fit to expose Roberta's true past to Garcia, though Garcia, thankfully, was able to cope once Roberta confessed her bloodsoaked past. He had declared that the Bloodhound was dead, and Roberta was all he wanted in a maid and a friend.

Balalaika then told Roberta she would take them both to be checked by her personal doctor, before they would be escorted to the airport. While the Lagoon Company took their car to Balalaika's HQ, Hal and Rica, on Balalaika's suggestion, travelled with her in a limo. Hal was sandwiched between two of the most dangerous women in Roanapur, a third sitting opposite him in a singed maid's outfit, a protective arm around her charge.

"I watched what happened while you were dealing with that rather obnoxious English man," Roberta said. "And then there was what you used to get Garcia and those mercenaries out of that bar. What was that?"

" _Magic. Technically, I'm not supposed to tell you, but Roanapur is a bit of a blind spot where the law is concerned_ ," Hal said.

"And your voice things? Why do you need those?" Garcia asked, before Rica and Hal both shot him a glare.

"Young master, it is rather rude to ask about such things," Roberta chided gently.

"The Sawyers have a rather painful past," Balalaika said. "They had been betrayed by family, and ended up here. You live a privileged life, young Garcia, and while the Sawyers' lives have not been the worst possible for children in Roanapur, they have been through things no child should go through. I am grateful that Mr Chang found them first, and not someone more depraved. Incidentally, Hal, a number of wizards have come to me asking after you, under your birth name, including one Albus Dumbledore. I was told by Mr Chang that you already know this."

" _Shenhua paid us a visit to warn us_ ," Rica buzzed.

"Well, I have a warning. Your father, I believe, is here. Rather a singularly unpleasant man. Dumbledore, for all his moralising self-righteous nature, is at least pleasant enough to talk to, and he actually seemed concerned about your whereabouts. Your father, however, seemed like a secretly dirty cowboy cop who had a secret uncovered. That, and he seemed infected by the fame your brother had, and that your late mother deserves more."

"Your mother died?" Garcia asked quietly.

" _She was murdered protecting me from a wizard terrorist_ ," Hal said. " _Said terrorist tried to murder my brother and I, only for some ritual my mother set up to cause the curse he used to rebound._ "

"The Killing Curse, _Avada Kedavra_ , normally breaks through all known magical barriers," Balalaika said. "The best defence is to dodge, or have a solid barrier between you and the curse. And yet, Lily Potter, formerly Lily Evans, found another way. Hal was four, and his brother one. Dumbledore made the declaration that Charles was the Boy Who Lived, as his innate magic was what caused the rebound, so he claimed. Both children had scars caused by the rebound. Charles had two parallel lines, like an equals sign, while you will have noticed the lightning bolt-like scar on Hal's forehead. Unfortunately, James Potter let the fame go to his head. I won't divulge the details of what happened next, though."

"You had no such compunctions about revealing my past," Roberta said coldly.

"Your charge deserved to know. That he accepts you in spite of that shows that my decision was a correct one," Balalaika retorted. "You know everything you need to know, and more besides, of the past of these two. I knew partly because Chang entrusted me with their pasts. Should you have need to come to Roanapur ever again, they would be useful allies. I have only seen them in combat once, when I asked Mr Chang for help with some fools muscling in on my organisation, but once is enough. Frederica has a bloodlust in battle that would put your old life to shame, and Hal, when he is roused to fight, strikes like a thunderbolt, from out of the blue."

Roberta looked at the walking stick currently sitting between Hal's knees. "Concealed weapon?" she asked. Hal nodded.

"Please do not demonstrate it, Hal," Balalaika said. "I could do without the lingering smell of cooked excrement in the limousine…"

* * *

While Roberta and Garcia were checked over by Balalaika's personal doctor, Rica and Hal were in the woman's office. "The British aren't going to take no for an answer," Balalaika said. "Somehow, they found out you were both still alive. Now, Dumbledore seemed concerned for your safety, and to be frank, not just from Voldemort. He suspects the truth about what Potter and Black did to you two fourteen years ago. But they also believe that Voldemort will attempt to target you."

Rica rolled her eyes. " _We know this. Voldemort would definitely target Hal for death, or, given his link to me, recruitment. How did they find out we were still alive?_ "

"Actually, they seemed to only believe that Hal was still alive. Apparently there was a prophecy about Lily Evans producing someone with the power to destroy Voldemort. The wording was somewhat vague, and Dumbledore believed that it meant your younger brother, Hal, was the one in it. Except…he died."

Hal frowned. His brother was dead? That was something he had mixed feelings about. True, he detested being passed over…no, _discarded_ in favour of his brother, but he didn't know what his brother was really like. He looked at Balalaika to elaborate.

"Charles had been tricked by a vision Voldemort sent him over a mental link they had. He believed that his father was being tortured in the Department of Mysteries in the British Ministry of Magic. He made his way there with some of his friends, only to find out he had been fooled. The Death Eaters were waiting in ambush for Charles to remove a prophecy regarding the Potter children and Voldemort…and attacked them. Charles was forced to sacrifice himself to save the others. However, the prophecy didn't become inactive. According to Dumbledore, they're supposed to become inactive once it is fulfilled, one way or the other, and the prophecy claimed that one of the enemies must fall by the other's hand. But as Charles was dead, Dumbledore took the prophecy's continued activation to mean that you were alive, and tried to track you down. Unfortunately, Voldemort's people noticed the same thing, according to a double agent Dumbledore has in the Death Eaters. All of which means, as far as Magical Britain is concerned, you are their messiah."

Hal snorted, and he laughed, insomuch as he could laugh without a larynx. Rica did the same thing. Balalaika smirked. "Oh, rest assured, I laughed as well." Her demeanour became stern and serious again. "But make no mistake, Dumbledore and the British Ministry are desperate to find you, and so too is Voldemort and his allies. I've stalled them, but given what you said about your confrontation in the Yellow Flag, they will make the connection between you and Harry Potter. The man was one of those who spoke with my men, a Severus Snape. Unpleasantly blunt and rude."

" _I remember him_ ," Rica said. " _Black was always complaining about 'Snivellous'. He was apparently a Potions wunderkind. He also had a thing for your mother, Hal._ "

Hal sent back, sarcastically, over their link, _Oh thank you. I needed that_.

 _You're welcome_. He didn't need to look at her to see the impish smile on her face.

"In any case, while it is really no concern of mine what goes on in Magical Britain, or yours for that matter, I doubt that these fools will take no for an answer, and Voldemort is not known to suffer defeats lightly. I would suggest discussing things with Mr Chang, and deciding what to do from there. I know you two are freelance, but Mr Chang and his organisation makes up most of your work. Personally, I would terminate that ophidian son of a bitch with, if you'll forgive the vulgar Hollywood term, extreme prejudice," Balalaika said. "Along with those inbred fools who follow him. Make sure that those who would dare raise a hand against you would whisper of your deeds in fear and awe for years…no, generations to come."

" _We'll consider that_ ," Rica said.

* * *

They soon left the Hotel Moscow base of operations, heading for the Triad's base. Over their link, Hal asked, _What do you think?_

 _Chang's permission or not, I think we're going to have to take the fight to those inbred morons_ , Rica sent back. _Most of Magical Britain, I couldn't give a shit about, save maybe for the Muggleborns. They're going to get royally sodomised by Voldemort and his cronies…well, more than they are already by the Ministry. But now that Voldemort knows you're alive, that means he'll be coming after you. And…I'd bet he'd send my mother. Who tried to kill me because she thought I was a Squib, before I was 'rescued' by Sirius_. Rica smiled in a lazy, but malicious manner. _I'll be introducing her to Ash's Hand(_ _1)_.

 _Can I make her soil herself with Mjolnir first?_ Hal asked.

 _If you hose her down afterwards, before I start working on her, sure_ … They looked up when they saw a familiar form walking down the street.

Said form was muttering quietly to herself, a mixture of Taiwanese Hokkien and choppy, broken English. "…Stupid English dog-man. Cut balls off next time. And cock. Make eat. Or have Sawyers turn him into dog forever, sell him to abattoir as mystery meat." Another few Hokkien expletives wafted their way.

Hal coughed quietly, enough to draw Shenhua's attention. Shenhua whirled, and then said, "Oh, hi! Sorry, I busy. You from around here? I not see you before."

The Sawyer Twins sniggered, before Hal took his electrolarynx and pressed it to his throat. " _We met this morning, Shenhua. Remember?_ "

"Huh? I met you?" Shenhua blinked in confusion, tilting her head. She looked between Hal and Rica, before realisation came over her features. "No way, you Sawyer Twins?"

" _You were expecting Abslom Daak and Annie Wilkes?_ " Rica snarked(2). " _We need to see Chang about something. About the British mages who turned up._ "

"I see. Okay, I take you to Chang." As they walked off, Shenhua said to Rica, "All this time I thought you guy. I so embarrassed. Sorry. When Bao fix Yellow Flag, we have drink, yes? Bao tell me some maid messed up Yellow Flag good, along with Cartel. But I thought maids clean mess, not make mess."

Hal chuckled at Shenhua's confusion. " _We'll tell you on the way_ …"

* * *

Back in Britain, the ophidian features of Lord Voldemort glared down at his followers, or rather, a small group of them, led by Bellatrix Lestrange. Their mission: seek, locate, and exterminate Harry Potter. Only then would the prophecy be rendered moot. Only then would Voldemort's ascendancy to where he belonged was completely assured, when he had Harry Potter's corpse strung up in Diagon Alley.

Severus had supplied the rough location: Roanapur, in Thailand. From there, they could track him down. And while Roanapur had something of a reputation in both magical and Muggle circles, Voldemort was supremely confident that he could handle anything, certainly criminal rabble who thought themselves kings and queens and emperors of such petty domains. Once Harry was killed, Voldemort would return to Roanapur and raze it to the ground. Not because he had any particular issue against the city itself, but because Potter had been there.

He also heard from Severus that there might be a possibility that Bellatrix's daughter might yet be alive. The Squib. Bellatrix, when the possibility was raised about her daughter's survival, seemed delighted at the chance to torment her and kill her.

Voldemort said to Bellatrix and her squad, "Remember, you will retrieve Harry Potter. I wish to kill him myself. Anyone who gets in your way is to be dealt with. And if you find your useless daughter to be there, then you may have her as a plaything."

Bellatrix grinned in a way that showed more teeth than mirth. "Thank you, my Lord."

"You may go, Bella. Remember, do not fail me. Let none stand in your way. Bring me back Harry Potter, alive." A faint, cruel smirk touched his lips. "Of course, he needn't be _intact_ …"

As Bellatrix left with her squad, Voldemort knew he had signed the death warrants of many. But he didn't know it would be the death warrants of his own people…

 **CHAPTER 3 ANNOTATIONS:**

 **So, Hal, Frederica, and Balalaika have discussed matters, and Voldemort's sent his killers to Roanapur. Lambs to the slaughter…**

 **1\. In reference to Ash Williams of** ** _The Evil Dead_** **film series (and now a TV series), who, at one point, amputates his hand when it becomes possessed, and replaces it with a chainsaw.**

 **2\. Annie Wilkes, of course, is the antagonist from** ** _Misery_** **, and tried to get a chainsaw at the very end of the original novel. Abslom Daak is perhaps more obscure unless you're a fan of** ** _Doctor Who_** **, and know about the comics. Daak was a vicious criminal sentenced to death…or else become a Dalek Killer. He chose the latter. His weapon of choice was a chainsword, which is basically a chainsaw sword capable of cutting into Dalek armour.**


	5. Chapter 4: Opening Salvo

**CHAPTER 4:**

 **OPENING SALVO**

"So, let me get this straight," Shenhua said as she, Hal, Rica and Chang sat in Chang's office. "You born Harry Potter, and dumb wizard who act like Hitler think he kill you and all his troubles over? Is he retard?"

Rica snorted. " _Given the dark magic he has doubtlessly used to keep himself immortal, I would not be surprised if it rotted his brain._ "

" _Don't forget the rampant inbreeding, Rica_ ," Hal said.

" _How can I forget, when the gene pool I come from is more like a puddle?_ " Rica retorted. " _I'm surprised I don't have an extra toe and haemophilia._ "

Chang, a moderately handsome Chinese man who was the head of the Triad in Roanapur, frowned. "You said your parents thought you Squibs. But I've seen you use magic in battle, both of you. Not much, but, well…"

" _They were idiots. Magic seems to be one of those factors that lowers IQ_ ," Hal snarked. " _It was Rica's mother who thought her a Squib. Potter was pissed because he thought I wasn't his actual son._ " He rubbed his scar, the one around his neck, absent-mindedly. " _Though he publicly called me a Squib._ "

Chang seemed thoughtful. As he considered what was happening, Shenhua said, "Who cares if Full of Mould immortal? Anything die if stabbed enough. Or shot. Whatever you like. Revy annoying slut, but she know how to shoot someone good and make sure they don't get up again, thanks to boss. Then again, maybe fire work. Fire kill anything. Anyway, why you believe prophecy? Fortune-telling bullshit."

" _That's not the point. Voldemort believes it, we're sure_ ," Rica said. " _And as he thinks now that Hal was the one who is the true Boy Who lived, he will pursue Hal to the ends of the Earth_."

"Wow. That big grudge."

"I agree," Chang said. "What's more, Voldemort will continue sending Death Eaters here. And while I'm sure you two can handle them, let alone most of Roanapur, the Death Eaters will be disruptive and bad for business. They'll cause more chaos than anyone really wants in Roanapur. You didn't really need my permission to go and take the fight to them, given that you're technically freelancers now, but you have it anyway. Do you plan to head to Britain soon?"

" _We need to prepare first. And we'd rather not have Dumbledore and his people meddle with us_ ," Hal said.

Chang nodded thoughtfully. "I'll get you identity papers. I know you can make Portkeys, but better to avoid pissing off the authorities in Britain. Incidentally, I want you to hold off leaving for a couple of weeks. Tensions have been rising between the gangs here of late. That maid wiping out most of the Manislera Cartel and Balalaika mopping up the rest is only going to make things more unsettled, and I've heard Verrocchio has been getting antsy lately as well. And while Balalaika's ambitious, she knows when not to rock the boat. But other gangs might be looking to try their luck, especially with the vacuum left behind by the Manislera Cartel. Anyway, hopefully, I'm just being paranoid, but better to be paranoid than…" His phone trilled, and Chang answered it. He spoke in increasingly incensed Chinese, before slamming it down. "Damn! People in robes and skull masks are attacking the Yellow Flag! One of my men had gone to check on Bao after the maid went on her rampage!"

Hal and Rica looked at each other, and nodded. "Hey! I come with you, show morons not mess with Roanapur," Shenhua snapped.

" _Just avoid any spell, especially green ones!_ " Rica responded, before she reached into a bag she had. She grinned as, impossibly, she pulled out of a relatively small bag a chainsaw. But, like with Hal's walking stick, this had about as much resemblance to normal chainsaws as a modern sniper rifle had to a musket. And while she could wield any chainsaw as a weapon far better than anyone else in this corner of the world, or possibly the entire world, this one, which she had named Ash's Hand after the protagonist from the _Evil Dead_ films, was one she had customised herself.

There were special runes etched into the chainsaw and even into the teeth (which was VERY fiddly to do) that made it virtually indestructible, as well as preventing it from harming herself and Hal, and even their allies. The blade could be used as a makeshift bullet shield, and would even deflect most spells.

She didn't speak the word, but she couldn't resist a homage to Ash Williams as she readied her chainsaw. She mouthed a single word as Hal prepared a Portkey.

 _Groovy_.

* * *

What they found was chaos. Bodies everywhere, and inside the ruined bar, Bao (who must have returned after Roberta attacked) being tortured by what had to be the Cruciatus Curse, cast by a cackling woman who had to be Bellatrix Lestrange, surrounded by about a dozen Death Eaters. Thankfully, none of the Death Eaters had noticed their arrival, their attention mostly focused on Bellatrix. As she released the Unforgivable, Bellatrix then sneered, "I don't care if they're freelance, or working with the Triads. I just want to know where they are, you filthy Muggle. If you don't tell me, I get to play more."

Shenhua threw her kukri knives, the ones joined by a rope, and decapitated one of the Death Eaters. "You so rude, bitch witch," Shenhua remarked as the Death Eaters stared at the new arrivals. "I'd ask if you crazy or stupid, starting shit in Roanapur, but pretty obvious from here. Magic make you retard. Or maybe incest. You know, brother fucking sister. That explain heaps."

As the Death Eaters gaped at the intruders and Shenhua's bold insulting of Bellatrix Lestrange, Rica revved up the chainsaw, while Hal merely tapped Mjolnir impatiently. Then, Bellatrix saw Hal and Rica. "So, you've come to offer yourself to the Dark Lord, little Potty?"

Hal grinned. Pressing the electrolarynx to his throat, he said, " _No. I am just a cleaner. And I see a lot of rubbish to deal with. And you know what day it is today?_ "

Rica grinned her own lazy, malicious grin. " _Gaaarbage Daaay!_ " she drawled(1). Suddenly, she disappeared with the distinctive _crack!_ of Apparition, only to reappear with her chainsaw buried in the back of a Death Eater, a crazed grin on her face as it chewed through his vital organs. Hal did the same, sending a Death Eater shuddering to the ground, smoke pouring from his robes from a lethal bolt from Mjolnir. Shenhua flung a trio of _feidao_ knives, throwing knives a bit similar in shape to the kunai shinobi were supposed to use in Japan, before she dived for cover.

It was, bluntly, a massacre. While the Death Eaters were skilled at using magic, they tended to rely more on both fear tactics and overwhelming force. They used Apparition at the start and end of battle, not during it, though that was partly because Apparition in the middle of a firefight was hard, given that you needed to avoid hitting spells flying through the air.

In addition, Hal and Rica used weapons that were as much about intimidation as they were about causing damage. Chainsaws were visceral devices that, despite being a relatively new technology, somehow evoked a primal fear, as if that of a howling flesh-eating beast with more teeth than the entire Osmond Family(2). And thunderbolts and lightning were very very frightening, as Queen put it in _Bohemian Rhapsody_. It was an even more primal terror than chainsaws. It wasn't for nothing that many of the top gods in many pantheons were noted for wielding lightning, for lightning was one of the most powerful natural forces humanity's ancestors would have encountered.

What was more, Shenhua was more than up to the task of fighting off mages. Having survived (and, indeed, thrived) bringing knives to gunfights for some time, the Taiwanese assassin was able to bring the same logic to dealing with mages. Spells were basically slower-moving and more visible bullets, so, hit-and-run tactics were key. She jeered at them in Hokkien as she did so.

Two of the Death Eaters fled via Portkey, only one of them being relatively intact. The others, save for Bellatrix, were either dismembered, stabbed, or charred. An increasingly incensed Bellatrix, however, got lucky, and a wild Blasting Curse from Bellatrix sent them flying. The wild-eyed, wild-haired Death Eater stormed over to a dazed Shenhua. "I'll deal with you first, you stupid Muggle whore," she hissed. "No more games."

As she raised her wand, she suddenly convulsed, electricity crawling over her body. A wet, flatulent sound emanated from her robes, before she collapsed to the floor. A rather battered-looking Hal lowered Mjolnir, and limped over, proffering a hand to Shenhua, who took it, getting shakily to her feet. After sniffing the air, Shenhua then spat on Bellatrix's comatose body. "I stupid? You full of shit, I smell it. I not one needing diaper like baby, witch whore," she sneered.

Rica, meanwhile, was helping Bao to his feet. "Fuck me, what the fuck was that that bitch did to me?" the Vietnamese bartender growled out through gritted teeth. "Bad enough that the goddamned maid from hell and the Cartel wrecked this place earlier tonight, but now I have wizards attacking me!"

" _That was the Cruciatus Curse_ ," Rica said. " _Causes extreme pain._ " She began casting Repair Charms throughout the bar, albeit without a wand. To Hal, she asked, _Is she dead?_

 _No, I just knocked her out. She'll be conscious before long, though, so we'll have to come back tomorrow morning to repair this place_. Out loud, Hal said, " _Shenhua, can you have Chang send someone down here to help keep an eye on Bao?_ "

"Sure, I do that," Shenhua said, before plucking a mobile phone from the jacket she wore over her qipao. "What you do?"

" _Put her on ice for the time being_ ," Rica said bluntly. " _You'll be pleased to know, Bao, that she will suffer more pain than she caused you._ "

"Good," Bao spat. "Damn curse made me feel like someone put me into an electric chair. Get that bitch out of here. I want video if you can manage it."

Rica and Hal flashed him rather dark smiles. They looked over Shenhua, who waved them off. "We'll be fine. You go, yes? We have drink later."

The Sawyer Twins dragged out their quarry, and then Apparated home. They didn't know it, but they had been watched…

* * *

'Don't Call Me Nymphadora' Tonks lowered the Omnioculars, her mouth gaping in awe and horror, her hair standing on end and snow-white. "Mad-Eye, did you see that?"

"Aye, I did," growled the retired Auror who looked like a dragon's leftovers. Their group had arrived shortly after the Sawyer Twins and their fellow fighter did, and had held back, ready to intervene if they were needed. "They're good fighters, I'll give them that. That Muggle woman in the Chinese outfit would even give us a run for our money. But the Potter boy and the Lestrange girl…they're monsters."

"You sure it's them?" Tonks asked as her hair changed back to normal. Well, normal for her being purple.

"My gut's telling me it's them. Anyway, didn't you see the damned scar?"

"Barely, just as they were hauling Bellatrix Lestrange out," Tonks said. "Thank Merlin this thing has night vision. But…even if he did grow up in Roanapur, how could he turn out like that?"

"All too easily," Moody growled. He turned to the third member of the group watching the Yellow Flag, glaring at him. "Now do you see what your little fuck-up has done, Albus? _That_ is the last hope of Magical Britain. Potter and Black screwed the pooch big time, and you let them do it! And Potter and Black wants to bring those two back by force? Those crime bosses warned us what they are like, but you didn't listen! And I personally think what Skeeter wrote about Potter and Black in the _Prophet_ is true, especially in light of what we've seen. They may have done the deed, but you, Albus, you left them, trusting in your Gryffindors to keep them in the Light. You believed them when they said those two had died while trying to dabble in the Dark Arts! I smelt a rat worse than Pettigrew, but no, your Golden Boy could do no wrong! I was just being overly suspicious, as usual!" After a pause, he demanded, "Well, Albus? Haven't you got anything clever to say?"

Moody heard what Albus said then, quietly, almost inaudibly, saw the tears running down the older man's face, before he growled in disgust. "Come on Tonks, let's go and see if we can get anything more out of that Taiwanese woman or that bartender. If not, we're heading back to base."

As they headed for the Yellow Flag, Tonks looked back at their erstwhile leader, Professor Albus Dumbledore, staring at some distant point in shock, murmuring the same refrain over and over again while tears ran down his face and into his beard. Four words, repeated time and time again, holding within them a whole world of revelation, shock, horror and self-reproach.

" _What have I done?_ "

 **CHAPTER 4 ANNOTATIONS:**

 **So, there you have it. Hal, Rica and Shenhua have faced off against the Death Eaters and kicked their collective arses. Amen hallelujah peanut butter, as Dutch would say. Oh, and Dumbledore's mistakes have finally come home to roost.**

 **As mentioned before, while Dumbledore's faults will be discussed here, and he will be an antagonist in this story, he is not a villain. He is an antagonist in the same way he was in my** ** _Resident Evil_** **crossover** ** _Henry Ashford and the Goblet of Fire_** **, in that he is opposed to Hal and Rica only because he disagrees with their methods, not because he is a villain. James and Sirius, though…well, you'll see. You've got hints of it above. Plus, a possible catalyst for why James not only discarded, but tried to kill Harry. This'll be explained in a later chapter.**

 **1\. Rica is, of course, uttering the bizarrely-spoken line from** ** _Silent Night, Deadly Night 2_** **.**

 **2\. While the name of a Tropes Page on TV Tropes, it originally comes from the** ** _Red Dwarf_** **episode** ** _Polymorph_** **, where Rimmer claims that one of his directives is to never mess with anything with more teeth than the entire Osmond Family.**


	6. Chapter 5: The Stuff of Nightmares

**CHAPTER 5:**

 **THE STUFF OF NIGHTMARES**

Perhaps the only thing Shenhua was grateful for was that these British Aurors had seen fit to use a translation charm on themselves. It was liberating to be able to talk to someone in her native language than her broken English. Even so, she still wasn't happy about them poking their noses into her friends' private lives. Yes, Shenhua considered the Sawyer Twins friends, long before she even saw them out of their work clothes. And she tried to stick by her friends.

Then again, now that she knew what they looked like…well, Shenhua thought them kind of cute, in a goth kind of way. Okay, they were a bit dead-looking in the eyes and had those scars on their necks, but there was something about them that had Shenhua wanting to give them a hug. Hell, she really wanted to get to know them better. There was something endearing about them.

Not that there was much endearing about this situation.

" _Look, you're either hard of hearing, or hard of thinking_ ," Shenhua said in Hokkien to the grizzled-looking one, Moody. " _The Sawyers don't just drop what they're doing just because they're ordered to. They may work for Mr Chang at times, but they're freelance. And they don't like getting disturbed while they work._ "

" _Chopping up bodies?_ " the girl, Tonks, asked, looking a bit queasy.

" _Hey, it's a messy job, but someone's gotta do it_ ," Shenhua said. " _You saw how we handled those morons from your country. I don't have magic, but I killed three of those stupid fuckers, and with_ _ **knives**_ _. I told you I could handle them when you and that old goat-man warned me about them. And you've met Revy and Dutch? They killed real Nazis, not magic Nazis, a couple of days ago, from what I heard. She may dress like a slut, but Revy's one of the best gunfighters in this city, and she knows how to deal with magic. You fuckers may be dangerous, but so are we. Hell, I'm sure that if Bao wasn't surprised, he'd shoot them a new asshole with his shotgun. You want the Sawyers' time to clean up that mess in Britain, you pay for it, just like everyone else. Anyway, tell me, are you going to stop them from cutting up that bitch?_ "

Both shook their heads. " _I dunno what'd be worse: Azkaban or what the Sawyers will do to her_ ," Moody said. " _But considering what she did to so many people…I find myself not giving a damn_."

" _She's my aunt, but she wants to torture and murder me and my mother for 'betraying Pureblood' values. I don't like this…but I'll live with it_ ," Tonks admitted reluctantly. " _But Harry…he needs to come back to Britain. He's a symbol of hope, now. Our only hope._ "

Shenhua snorted. " _You expect a man barely over eighteen and who grew up here to save you guys from this Dark Lord? Grow a pair and do it yourself._ "

" _If it were that easy, people would have done it years ago_ ," Moody growled. " _I've even had a shot at trying. But he's good at hiding, and striking from the darkness. What's more, many of his followers are placed high in the government, and they've been systematically weakening our law enforcement for years. Anyway, too many people are too stupid or scared to do anything. Personally, I wouldn't say no to a bunch of hired guns from a place like this, but Dumbledore has a bee in his bonnet about doing things his way. He's got a hard-on for redemption and forgiveness. James Potter and Sirius Black haven't, but they're rabidly anti-Dark, even more so than Dumbledore, and yet, I've heard rumours about them._ "

" _Sirius Black? Wait a moment…stupid pervert with a beard, he can turn into a dog?_ "

" _How did you know he could turn into a dog?_ " Tonks asked.

Shenhua rolled her eyes. " _I saw this dog trotting along the street when I was heading back after dinner. I thought it odd that he seemed to go for women with skirts and have a peek. He tried to do the same with me. I gave him a good hard kick. I normally don't go for wanton animal cruelty, but that dog seemed to know what he was doing. We were practically alone by then, so he turned into a man, and threatened me. I took his wand, snapped it, jabbed the splintery ends into his hand, and told him I would neuter him. He got the point._ "

" _He's my cousin_ ," Tonks said, sighing. " _He's also a lecher who'll dip his wick into anything, and thinks he's more funny than he actually is. In truth, he's an arsehole who doesn't take no for an answer, and I've heard rumours about him using Amortentia to get his way._ " On Shenhua's questioning look, she clarified, " _Highly illegal love potion. Well, lust potion. Pretty close to a date-rape drug in Muggle terms. Rumour had it that James Potter used Amortentia to snare Lily Evans, Harry's mother._ "

" _Potter's a stupid entitled brat_ ," Moody muttered. But before he could elaborate, a bedraggled, rather wet figure stormed up. "Snape! What're you doing here?" he demanded in English.

"Potter's spawn was here," a dark-haired man with a large nose snarled. "He sent me into the harbour with a Portkey. And blind Apparition while drowning is not a recommended pastime. I Splinched, and needed to retrieve one of my hands."

"Hey, weren't you with old man before?" Shenhua asked in English.

"Shut up," Snape snapped, perhaps unwisely, before he said to Moody, "What happened here?"

"This young woman happened, along with Potter and Lestrange's Squib daughter, who wasn't as dead as we thought, or a Squib for that matter. They're apparently cleaners working for the underworld here. Killed a dozen Death Eaters, rather brutally. Albus headed back to base out of shock. Lestrange was the only one they took alive. Incidentally, it might amuse you to know that Shenhua here kicked Sirius when he tried to look up her skirt in dog form."

Snape chuckled darkly. "Oh, it does. But how did she kill those Death Eaters?"

"I right here. Same way I kill anyone," Shenhua said. "Knives. Knives kill anyone. Wizards bleed. They like novice gangsters to Roanapur. Shitty aim, stand still. Dodging spells easier than bullets. They like clay ducks in shooting gallery." The Taiwanese stroked her blade, almost affectionately. "Like I said, Sawyer Twins do things their way. Drag them to Britain, and you get diced and minced. They'll go. This Dark Lord bother them forever if they don't. But they won't go yet. Have to clear decks. Busy schedule. They need secretary or something. Maybe that Japanese guy at Lagoon Company."

Shenhua enjoyed the bemused look on the three British mages' faces. Sometimes, she did actually like talking in her broken English, if only to see the baffled looks on some people's faces as they tried to understand her. Oh, she preferred being understood most of the time, but sometimes, she savoured times like these.

But then, her mobile rang, and she answered it. "Hello, this Shenhua."

" _Shenhua_ ," came the voice of Chang. " _We've got a problem involving the Sawyer Twins, and it's bad_ …"

* * *

 _The two children were dressed only in ragged smocks, tied to the chairs. "Dad, this isn't funny! This isn't funny anymore!" the boy protested._

 _"Of course it isn't funny," his father said as he twiddled with a silver knife in his hands. "I've always thought you worthless. But now, you can be of some worth for me. You're worth more to me dead than alive. And I'll send you to Hell to be with your mother…and your father." As shock filled his being, his father continued relentlessly, "That's right, you little bastard. You were the werewolf's son. He seduced my wife. And I sent him to Hell. I would have sent you to join him…but I needed an heir, and that's what adoption rituals are for. But now that I have Charles, the Boy Who Lived…I don't need you anymore."_

 _"But why am I here?" the girl protested._

 _"Why? You're Bella's spawn," said her 'uncle', the man who treated her like a servant, like a House Elf. "You've got her blood in you, and that of Rodolphus Lestrange. And they killed a lot of my friends. You're both monsters. And we, being the valiant Gryffindors we are, slay monsters."_

 _"And with your deaths, we will gain even greater power…"_

* * *

They woke up simultaneously, mouths open in near-silent screams, more like hoarse pants. Rica clutched tighter to Hal, drawing comfort and succour from his presence. In bed, they both silently wept from their shared nightmare, a recurring bad memory that hounded them in both sleep and waking hours. Not every night, not even most nights. But on occasion, at least once a week, the memory snuck up on them.

The mental link they had meant they shared dreams. But they also shared nightmares. In a way, it spoke of the bond they shared, one where their burdens were carried by both.

Thankfully, the nightmare ended before what happened next. The silver knives used to cut their throats. Blood gushing from their necks, the two children used magic that they had never used before in their desperation to live. Harry Potter had used Apparition on himself and on a girl he had come, at the time, to view like a sister. Hydra Lestrange, however, proved to be her mother's child, as she unleashed Fiendfyre on their tormentors.

On arriving in a rubbish-strewn alley in Roanapur, Harry, in his desperation, poured as much of his magic into healing Hydra and himself. He managed to save their lives before the blood loss killed them…but the knives had cut through their larynxes, and he could only muster up enough magic to save their lives, not their voices.

But they had already been figuratively voiceless in their own homes. Being voiceless on the streets of Roanapur was little different. Well, that was a lie. Being voiceless didn't mean that they were powerless. After their escape from England, Harry realised he knew things, things from two different lives. Lives he would recognise as those of his mother…and of the first man to try to kill him. Lily Potter, and Lord Voldemort. Through those memories, he and Hydra learned much about magic, as well as the need to conceal it unless necessary. Through those memories, and their own, they learned to hate James Potter and Sirius Black more than they already had. Both had tried to murder them because of their parentage.

They fell in with one of the gangs of teenagers and children who were but minnows in the shark tank of Roanapur. Most of what they did was little more than petty theft, but Harry and Hydra were better. After all, they didn't have voices, and they had learned to be quiet anyway due to their upbringings.

They took on the names Hal and Frederica Sawyer after their gang snuck in to watch _The Texas Chainsaw Massacre_ being shown at one of Roanapur's cinemas. Sawyer had come from the real name of Leatherface, Bubba Sawyer. Hal, Harry had learned, was another name for Harry: one of the gang members had been a movie buff, and had been waxing lyrical about _2001: A Space Odyssey_. Hydra, however, decided to use the female version of one of the few friends she had, a prank-loving boy by the name of Fred Weasley.

Still, she kept 'Hydra' as her middle name, unofficially. After all, she had her throat slit and lived to tell the tale, like the mystical beast whose head grew back twofold after being cut off.

However, the Triad led by Mr Chang cracked down on this gang when the leader of the teenagers, emboldened by his success leading his own gang, had begun to attack concerns held by the Triad. And while Chang, at the time, was a relatively new leader of the local Triad, he soon showed his mettle. Half the gang was wiped out and made examples of. But during the fighting, Chang became impressed by the fighting skill of Hal and Rica. They were younger than most of the gang, but had fought even harder than most. What was more, they used magic to attack to full advantage. It was during this fight that Hal got injured in his leg.

It was a little known fact that Chang, in addition to being a police officer, had actually been a liaison between the police in Hong Kong, and the local DMLE. And when he left the police because of his corruption and joined the Triad proper, he managed to avoid being Obliviated. And when he captured Hal and Rica, he saw an opportunity.

Chang would have recruited the two into his organisation, but Hal and Rica already had an independent streak. However, they weren't stupid either. They decided to accept his patronage, but not actually be part of the Triad itself. At first, they acted as freelance thieves, mostly working for Chang. But they discovered their true calling by accident.

The meat-packing plant where they made their current home had been in the hands of one of Chang's fences, a retired, embittered enforcer. He had been working as a cleaner himself as well, but had also been plotting to usurp his, in his opinion, unexperienced and overprivileged boss. He tried to recruit the Sawyer Twins to his cause to use their magic against him, but Hal and Rica told Chang instead. During the subsequent battle in the meat-packing plant, Rica found the instrument she would come to view as a new limb: a chainsaw. And she used it on the treacherous cleaner. She had only just turned fourteen. Even though it should have been impossible for her to wield, she used it anyway. And her magic gave her the strength to use it. Hal merely used his walking stick, before he would learn how to modify it, to hit at the man.

In the messy aftermath, Chang realised that the Sawyer Twins had come to an epiphany. And as he was down a cleaner, and these two were competent despite their ages, he offered them the job instead, an offer he never regretted. And neither did they.

Their relationship had been a sibling one for some time, but as adolescence arrived, so too did feelings of romantic love, or near enough that such twisted humans could have. They knew they weren't actual siblings. But they managed to hold back until one drunken night, celebrating Hal's 16th birthday. Their coupling was merely a literal consummation of a bond that was stronger than most, even if it was twisted. Indeed, after that first night, they managed to negotiate a week off with Chang and their other best customers (including a newly-arrived Balalaika), and spent that week experimenting, exploring their bodies, what they liked and disliked. It was tiring, but in a good way, and the end of the week arrived sooner than they wanted it to.

They were bonded together forever. Nothing would sever that bond save for death, and if someone was responsible for that severance, then the survivor would hunt down the killer or killers to the end of the Earth itself, and put them through a preview of Hell before they were sent there in earnest. This was a fact.

Of course, that wasn't going to stop some people from trying…

* * *

After showering and dressing, they were considering whether to leave Bellatrix alone for the time being (she had been given the Draught of Living Death like some of their more unruly clients, so she wouldn't wake until they were ready) or head down to the Yellow Flag to start repairs for Bao. However, that was a moot point, as they heard someone banging on the door. They opened it after checking who it was through the peephole. It was Shenhua, looking rather harassed and harried. And even afraid for them. And with just six words, they realised why.

"Someone put price on your heads."

 **CHAPTER 5 ANNOTATIONS:**

 **Oh dear. Who could it be? Voldemort? But he wouldn't deign to work with Muggle criminals, would he? And so soon after his defeat? Or someone else wants them dead.**

 **Now, I'm sure more than a few fans of James Potter and Sirius Black will be up in arms. Don't get me wrong, I like Sirius Black, but he still did some pretty nasty shit in canon, like trying to get Snape killed at a transformed Lupin's claws (even though that may have gotten poor Remus killed). And what we see of James Potter in reality, beyond anecdotal stuff, is a memory of him being an extremely unpleasant bully. I don't really have that high an opinion of James. Hell, how he managed to seduce Lily in sakurademonalchemist's fic** ** _Best Served Cold_** **is my personal fanon now (magical marijuana was involved. No, really!), because I couldn't see it happening any other way. While their characters here are pretty evil and exaggeratedly so compared to canon, it's also extrapolated from what we know of their characters in canon. They're basically a pair of bullies who were all but allowed to get away with murder, and so, they think they're untouchable as long as they do things right. We'll learn more about why James and Sirius decided to kill Harry and Hydra later.**

 **If you don't like what I did with the characters, then refrain from reviewing and please stop reading. I put in warnings that there would be bashing of those two characters in the foreword and the summary. This is a dark story with dark themes. Deal with it.**

 **I also need to say that this may be the last chapter of the story I will be posting for a little while. Probably not more than a week, but while I have the next two chapters fully written, I want to wait until I can access the** ** _Black Lagoon_** **manga volumes dealing with a certain pair of twins. I just want to be absolutely certain that I got those characters right.**

 **It's also worth pointing out some of the stories that, consciously or not, inspired this one. There's Technomad's** ** _Harry and the Pirates_** **, which I wholeheartedly recommend, along with Arawn D Draven's oneshot** ** _No rest for the wicked_** **, which also has a Harry/Sawyer/Shenhua pairing, of sorts, coupled with a WCWL story. There's also a few rather dark one-shots by whitetigerwolf, my personal favourites being** ** _Nineteen Years, Born to It_** **, and** ** _The Cleaner_** **. Warning, they are, especially the last one, dark and not for the faint of heart.**

 **Finally (well, before I get on to answering reviews), while writing this story, I discovered a number of** ** _Black Lagoon_** **one-shots centring around Sawyer (and Shenhua and Lotton) by Just Another Soul. Just Another Soul has written a number of them, some pretty damned dark, but more than a few are hilarious. I recommend** ** _Scream, Cleaner_** **, and** ** _Flawless_** **.**

 **Review-answering time! I'm astonished at how quickly this story got reviews already. I answered a couple in correspondence, but I'll discuss a few here.**

 **I answered** **Gabriel Herrol** **'s review in correspondence, but I should point out here that Dumbledore and company are here as part of the Order of the Phoenix, although they have the unofficial backing of Rufus Scrimgeour, who just became Minister. The Thai Ministry, after hearing where they needed to go, just pointed them in the direction of Roanapur with a 'good luck'…only to start laughing once the British had gone.**

 **tamagat** **: We'll see when they take the fight to the enemy. But they've seen no need to booby-trap their base, though when a certain other pair of twins (and NOT the Weasley twins) make an appearance, that'll come back to bite them.**

 **Split-Girl:** **Please DO NOT ever ask me to update specific stories. I get angry when people do so. I update stories when I can write a new chapter for them, and when people pester me for updates, I actually begin to lost motivation. That being said, expect at least one new chapter of** ** _Ex Umbra in Solem_** **in the next big update: I've finally watched the battle scenes against Caster.**

 **jgkitarel** **: I originally made Dumbledore a villain in** ** _Killing Floor_** **, the story that gave rise to this, but I couldn't really justify it. I felt like I made too many villains. It worked better in my first attempt at a WBWL story,** ** _Hammer into Anvil_** **(which will get published as a full story one day), but not here. Here, he simply made a number of mistakes that came back to bite him. I've begun writing the ninth chapter, the first third of which is Dumbledore contemplating his mistakes, and wondering whether he even has a chance to bring Hal and Rica to Britain. As for James and Sirius, well, they've basically got the same delusions that Dumbledore had in bashing stories: they think that they are the paragons of the Light, a delusion not helped by Dumbledore favouring them during and after Hogwarts. They never really grew out of teenage delusions of grandeur and invincibility. And what's more, James and Sirius, as you'll learn hints in the next chapter, had another reason for trying to kill Harry and Hydra.**

 **whitetigerwolf** **: I'm glad you enjoyed it, as it was partly your challenge and a few of your fics that inspired this.**

 **spartaleox** **: You're welcome, but Rock is going to be a somewhat peripheral character in this story. Hal, Rica and Shenhua are going to be the protagonists here (I hesitate to say heroes, because Hal and Rica are NOT nice people). While I will conclude this fic after the events in Britain play out, I'm already considering a sequel that involves the Greenback Jane and Roberta's Rampage arcs from** ** _Black Lagoon_** **.**

 **No numbered annotations for this chapter.**


	7. Chapter 6: Sharks in the Water

**CHAPTER 6:**

 **SHARKS IN THE WATER**

They had Apparated to the Yellow Flag, and helped Bao out with the repairs for a quarter of an hour, before they were ushered to a private room by Bao, who had heard the bad news, and brought in a basic breakfast. Shenhua sat them down, having them use translation charms on themselves. They listened to her while they ate.

" _Okay, well, first things first. We've heard back from Balalaika. The Russians aren't going to try and collect the price on your heads. Neither is Chang or his people. I'm tempted, I'll admit, but…well, we've known each other for long enough. I like you two. And while the money's pretty good, you two are…well, my friends, I guess. Anyway, good assassins and fighters are a dime a dozen in Roanapur, but good cleaners are another matter. Besides, I heard something about who put the price on your heads._ "

Hal swallowed a slice of toast, and asked, " _Voldemort? Or a Death Eater?_ "

" _No. Definitely British, though. Someone turned up in a cloak at Mr Chang's HQ shortly after we killed those Death Eaters. He called himself Prongs. He showed a rather large bag of gold coins, I think those were British Galleons. He said it was there for the taking if someone killed you two. He then went and visited Balalaika. Word on the street is that he's been visiting the crime bosses, even the Rip-Off Church. Now, most people, from what I heard, aren't going to bother. But…there's a few who might take it. And not just small fry and freelancers either. Verrocchio's grumbling about the status quo, and I think he might just take up Prongs on the offer._ "

" _I hope Revy doesn't get tempted_ ," Rica muttered. " _She's always bitching about money. And we saved her sorry hide when Roberta went on her spree._ "

" _Chang has already talked to the Lagoon Company. Revy has no intention of cashing in on it. In fact, Prongs showed up, and she nearly shot him when he made the offer._ "

Hal sneered contemptuously. " _I know who Prongs is, thanks to my mother's memories. James Potter wants me dead. He's realised that I'm still alive. Someone must've identified me as Harry. Prongs was the name Potter used when part of his little bullying posse, the Marauders._ "

" _Why Prongs?_ " Shenhua used.

Rica snorted. " _It's so stupid. He's able to turn into a deer. A stag, to be precise. Prongs, because of the antlers. Sirius was called Padfoot, because of the pads on his paws. Hal's real father, Remus Lupin, was called Moony, and he was a werewolf._ "

" _Wait, he was a werewolf?_ " Shenhua demanded. " _Are you a werewolf too, Hal?_ "

" _No. I get more aggressive during the full moon, I like my steaks rare, and I've got slightly better reflexes than most_ ," Hal said.

Rica blushed slightly. " _He gets…_ _ **passionate**_ _during the full moon._ "

Shenhua stared at them, before she shrugged. " _Takes all sorts. Any other wizards with silly nicknames?_ "

" _In the Marauders, there was one last one: Peter Pettigrew, called Wormtail on the account that he turned into a rat. And as it turned out, he was a figurative rat as well_ ," Hal said. " _He betrayed my family to Voldemort, and my mother sacrificed her life to save me and my brother._ "

" _Wow. Those wizards I spoke to last night after you two left, Moody and Tonks, they told me there were rumours that not only did James Potter ensnare your mother with a love potion, but they mentioned Lupin was dead, only it was rumoured that they may have murdered him._ "

" _They did_ ," Hal said, his hand clenching on Mjolnir. " _And if I see them…we're going to have venison and dog for dinner._ "

* * *

"Do you really think they'll flush them out, Prongs?" Sirius Black asked as they had breakfast at a rather crappy café, privacy charms erected.

"Or kill them," James Potter said. "Personally, I want those two dead. Though I don't understand it. The ritual worked for the first ones we made. They're identical to the second ones we made when I killed that damned House Elf of yours, and you killed that bitch of a mother of yours, Padfoot. So why are they still alive?"

"Intent, I guess. We thought we killed them, so it worked," Sirius said with a shrug. The two handsome men had looked rather gaunt and haggard for years. They had been able to chalk it up to stress, overwork, and the like. The pressures of fame. None suspected it had a more profound cause. "Don't you think it was hasty to try and entice these criminals to kill them? We can just track them down, Obliviate them, have Dumbledore trot them out, and let Voldemort do the rest. That way, whoever is the victor, we can deal with easily, as they're all tired out."

"No. As long as the boy is alive, that werewolf and the slut are laughing from beyond the Veil," James said, gritting his teeth. "He is not of my blood, so killing him won't cause any line-ending problems with the Goblins, adoption ritual or not. I want him dead, Padfoot. I don't care if he is supposed to be the one to kill Voldemort. Prophecies are bullshit. The way I see it, all we have to do is lure Voldemort back into the Department of Mysteries and shove that snake-faced bastard through the Veil. Or get the Muggles to call in an airstrike, nuke him or napalm him. But no, Dumbledore has that thing for redeeming people. He doesn't want the Death Eaters hurt. He's no leader of the Light. We are. We do whatever's necessary to keep Magical Britain safe. Crouch may have been a twat, but you can't deny he had the right idea."

"Do you think those criminals will do it, though?" Sirius asked. "Harry and Hydra have been living here for longer, they probably have people who want them to do things."

"They're criminals," James said dismissively. "They'll turn on each other for money and power. There's no such thing as honour amongst thieves. Look at Fletcher. Merlin, I'm going to be so glad when Dumbledore is dead, and I can put that unreliable bastard in Azkaban for life. And Snivellous. I'm gonna love making him the Dementors' bitch. But Harry and Hydra are too dangerous to be left alive. If they say anything, the whole thing comes tumbling down, and they have more than enough motive to come after us. They're just cleaners, the bottom of the heap. They clean up after other criminals. So nobody's going to miss them. Speaking of which, I'll go and see if I can track down that Chinese bitch who broke your wand. We can't let a Muggle who knows about us disrespect us like that."

"I hear that. She was dressed almost like a hooker, and she kicked a dog because I tried to look up that Chinese dress of hers."

"Dumbledore saw her at that Chang idiot's place," James said. "She must work for him. We'll make an example of her, make sure that Triad thug knows his place. Same with that Chinese-American bitch with the guns. Foul-mouthed trigger-happy bitch, she's like Bellatrix on the rag. Anyway, this place is full of freaks. There was that Russian with the half-cooked face. I'll give her this much, she's a cool customer for a Muggle criminal. But look over there, at those two brats."

Sirius frowned. The café was actually not far from the headquarters of the Italian mafia here in Roanapur. A car had pulled up in front, and a pair of children, probably brother and sister, with pale skin, white-blonde hair, and in old-fashioned clothing, were let out. The children were holding massive-looking cases that looked like those for musical instruments. "What do you think they're here for?"

"Well, either one of the mobsters has children into music, or, more likely, they're here to be trafficked. Maybe even screwed," James said dismissively. "They've got sick fucks in these places. I heard that a few of the Death Eaters are buyers of children. And Dumbledore thinks we can redeem them. Ha!"

"So, why don't we go in there and rescue them?"

"Because I don't know for sure. For all I know, the Mafia boss here wanted a music recital. Besides, they're Muggles, they're not our problem. Let the local police handle it if they've got the balls to. I'll be glad to get back to Britain. This place is too bloody hot, even without robes. And did you see that Hawaiian shirt Dumbledore got? He's soft in the head, Padfoot. I suspected it ever since he bought our excuse about Harry and Hydra. He got my son killed, Padfoot, your godson. He's no longer fit to lead the Light. He hasn't been for years. He's still coasting on the fact that he defeated Grindlewald, when old Bagshot told me he was sucking his cock years before. The Marauders are the future of the Light, Padfoot. The Marauders are the future of Magical Britain. And anyone who stands in our way…well, we don't deal with them in the same way as we did in Hogwarts anymore…"

* * *

Severus Snape was not in the best of moods. Having touched base with Dumbledore and having learned of the depths of the old man's folly, he took some time to rethink the situation. Dumbledore was still in shock, unable to do anything constructive, just mope in that damned Hawaiian shirt. He decided to return to the Yellow Flag to find more information.

It took all of Snape's meagre reserves of diplomacy to remain civil with the Vietnamese bartender, who recognised him from the night before, but Bao, for all his own anger, warmed up when Snape wanted some hard liquor. It was early in the morning, but Snape didn't care. He'd had to deal with Potter and Black for too long, he got sent into the harbour of this city, and learned that Lily's surviving son was a killer on a par with many a Death Eater, even besting Bellatrix Lestrange.

"So, you're a wizard, huh?" Bao asked as he poured Snape another glass. Bao, apparently, kept a lot of spare glassware and alcohol supplies in his cellar, in case his bar got wrecked. "Your Statute doesn't mean much here. I don't care if you're magical or not, as long as you don't start shit and your money is good. Are you the one responsible for putting a price on the Sawyer Twins' heads?"

Snape snorted. "No. And as much as I'd like to pay them back for what Potter's brat did to me, I also put a premium on my own safety. Kerr Avon said it best: _I'm not expendable, I'm not stupid, and I'm not going(_ _1)_ _!_ " Snape shook his head. He'd made too many bad life choices…and too many people had taken choice away from him. The Marauders, Voldemort, Dumbledore…here he was, caught between two masters, all for the love of a woman long dead. And what was there left of Lily Evans in Hal Sawyer?

When he heard the voice with the broken English, he sighed, knowing his day was about to get worse. "Hey, you. I know you. Wizard with bad attitude."

"Go away, I'm trying to drown my sorrows," Snape snarled.

"This early in morning? Must have been bad night. Don't worry, day will be worse."

Snape looked around, and found the Taiwanese woman, Shenhua, standing there with a malicious smirk on her face. And standing there near her were the Sawyers, looking grim. Why, oh why, couldn't he have begged to stay at Hogwarts?

* * *

"…So, that's how it is," the man said to the two children. He was a fairly low-ranking soldier for the Italian mafia, and he didn't want to have to deal with giving these creepy brats orders. He would have thought it babysitting, but these kids were, supposedly, assassins of the highest order, despite not even into puberty. They were certainly creepy as fuck, what with the pale skin and white-blonde hair. The boy was wielding an axe, and the girl was checking machine gun easily bigger than she was, with a little toy dangling from the barrel.

They looked at each other. "So, _fratele meu_ , before we kill the Russian lady, we go kill another pair of twins?" the girl asked.

"It seems that way, _sora mea_ ," the boy said. "I think it would be fun. A nice appetiser before we begin our work for Mr Verrocchio in earnest."

"Then let's go, _fratele meu_. After all, we're not the only sharks in the water, and someone might get lucky."

"We won't let them steal our prey then."

The mafia thug grimaced. These two were too creepy for words, and he wondered what possessed the boss to bring these two in. Getting to the top of the tree was all very well, but using these two? With names right out of a goddamned fairy tale?

He didn't know it, but Verrocchio would have a lot of cause to regret hiring these two. He would rue the day he thought retaining the services of Hansel and Gretel was a good idea…

 **CHAPTER 6 ANNOTATIONS:**

 **Oh** ** _shit_** **. Hansel and Gretel are in town. And James Potter and Sirius Black have shown how deluded they are. Yikes.**

 **Incidentally, as I seem to be of a masochistic sort, I have posted the first chapter of another bloody Harry Potter/** ** _Black Lagoon_** **crossover in** ** _The Cauldron_** **, again inspired by a challenge by whitetigerwolf (a different one) and again with a Harry/Sawyer pairing. It's called** ** _Quoth the Raven_** **…and yes, that's an over-used title, but I don't care. This one starts after a darker version of Potterverse canon, and also partially inspired (besides whitetigerwolf's Animagus Lover challenge) by sakurademonalchemist's** ** _Bruja_** **.**

 **Review-answering time!** **Skull-Flame** **: Unfortunately, Hansel and Gretel aren't going to get a happy ending.**

 **Tenozo51** **: By the time they had enough money to get decent surgery, they decided they preferred their electrolarynxes. It gives them a spooky air that appeals to their macabre sensibilities.**

 **myafroatemydog** **: It was actually James who did that in canon, and he did it here in the backstory of this story, though only because he thought they couldn't get away with Snape being killed, especially with Remus involved, as he didn't want Remus dead. Unfortunately, what goodwill James had for Remus went out the window when he discovered his affair with Lily.**

 **Guest** **: Snape is a rude berk to everyone, pretty much. No odds on James and Sirius being cleaned, though that will be at the climax of the story rather than now.**

 **1\. Imagine Snape as a computer hacker in the far future, and you have Kerr Avon from** ** _Blake's 7_** **. The line I used, from the episode** ** _Horizon_** **, is one of his best lines.**


	8. Chapter 7: Twins vs Twins

**CHAPTER 7:**

 **TWINS VERSUS TWINS**

Snape watched the Sawyer Twins go about their gruesome work with more than some disquiet. Well, it was more Frederica. It was hard to tell them apart from each other while they were wearing surgical scrubs, but the signs were there to look for. But Hal was participating as they slowly and systematically vivisected Bellatrix Lestrange.

He had been brought here by the Sawyer Twins because he was told this was what was going to happen to the Death Eaters. The Sawyer Twins knew he was a Death Eater, but as he hadn't made the mistake of actually attacking them, they had decided he was going to be a messenger, taking Bellatrix Lestrange's mortal remains with him back to his master. They were filming it too: apparently the bartender Bao had wanted to see Bellatrix Lestrange suffer for subjecting him to the Cruciatus.

The Taiwanese woman, Shenhua, was looking on as well with an expression of both disgust and morbid interest. At her request, he had used a translation charm keyed to Taiwanese Hokkien. " _Wow. I didn't think you could do that to someone and they'll still live_ ," Shenhua said. " _I knew this woman pissed them off, but_ _ **damn**_ _. I see different types of crazy in this town. I sometimes work with an Irish guy called Leigharch, snorts cocaine and drops LSD so much, he's halfway to Mars. Made Hunter S Thompson look sane. But this, well…it's pretty gruesome, but hey, nobody's perfect._ "

" _Is this normal for them?_ " Snape asked, feeling his gorge rising.

" _I don't know, I've never actually seen them work per se, but I think not. I usually drop off dead bodies or soon-to-be-dead idiots. They do gruesome work. They have to. Criminal gangs around here are inured to violence, you see. You have to do something really shocking to send a message, to intimidate by fear and horror. I just see the before and after, not the during. I'm glad they don't get performance anxiety, this is educational._ "

It was certainly a learning experience, Snape thought. One thing the two cleaners did was to stop Bellatrix from screaming by a very precise cut to her throat, one that left her alive, but mute. He thought sadists preferred to hear screams, but he guessed he was wrong. And these two were sadists, he was sure. Who else would use a chainsaw on a still-living person? He felt like he was some macabre voyeur witnessing Jack the Ripper cut up Mary Kelly, if Mary Kelly was a deranged murderer herself instead of a prostitute.

And yet, there was something cold and clinical about this, oddly enough. Of course, this was their job, so that was to be expected to a certain degree. He noted that Hydra, now Frederica, was attacking Bellatrix with more viciousness than Hal was. Snape remembered Bellatrix and Rodolphus getting into blazing rows about the Squib they had begotten, about whose fault it was. Until Black had captured her on a raid on the Lestrange home, shortly after that damned prophecy had been made, Hydra had been abused. For the first year of her life.

Of course, given what Dumbledore had said about her magical abilities, it seemed that the tests used on Hydra were unreliable. Then again, magical core tests were notoriously unreliable, capable of giving false negatives, claiming someone was a Squib when in reality, their magic core was yet to become active in earnest. He knew that the relatives of Neville Longbottom had used the same tests. And Longbottom, for all his faults, had shown his true power at the Department of Mysteries, Snape had to admit. He was a better paragon of a Gryffindor than Potter or his spawn. Even that Granger girl would have been better in Ravenclaw, though he supposed she at least raised the IQ of Gryffindor collectively by at least fifty points by being there.

Just like Lily.

Snape felt ambivalent about Hal being the lovechild of Remus Lupin and Lily. On the one hand, he detested the werewolf (especially as he had nearly been the instrument of his murder), and the thought of Lily being defiled by him…but on the other hand, Snape did respect Lupin's intelligence. He was easily the brains of the Marauders, and Lupin had at least tried to curb the worst excesses of that group, unlike Pettigrew, who stood by and let it happen like the little coward that he was. Why he was in Gryffindor, Snape would never know, and he took some glee in knowing Pettigrew ended up in Azkaban, at least until the little rat managed to break out and try and find his master.

What was more, the fact that Lupin cuckolded James Potter was delightful. Rumours had sprung up that Potter had murdered Lupin, and that Harry, instead of dying during an experiment with the Dark Arts, had actually been murdered by Potter, and the conflagration at 12 Grimmauld Place was a hasty cover-up gone wrong. It seemed that those rumours had some truth to them.

Snape frowned when he remembered something they had told him while bringing him here. " _Didn't you say that fool Potter put a price on their heads? The Sawyers are well-known in this cesspool of a city, so why didn't they move elsewhere?_ "

Shenhua rolled her eyes. " _Most of those Potter approached won't be so stupid. And even those who might take them up wouldn't be so stupid as to take them on on their home turf, not yet, anyway. Bao's spreading the word of what happened at the Yellow Flag. It helps their reputation, and mine, to say we kicked a bunch of wizard's asses. Nobody in Roanapur is going to attack yet._ "

As if to put the lie to her words, the lights suddenly cut out, leaving the windowless room in darkness. So too did the sound of air-conditioning. Snape was able to cast a _Lumos_ spell wandlessly, and he noted, with grudging approval, that the Sawyers did the same thing, and wordlessly at that. "Is this a normal power outage?" Snape asked.

Frederica shook her head as the Sawyer Twins removed their scrubs. "They have back-up generator," Shenhua said quietly in English. "Should have cut in by now. Chang told me that. This no power cut. This attack."

Frederica rummaged around in a nearby locker, and fished something out. Snape's eyes widened when he saw it. A Hand of Glory! The hand of an executed criminal, suitably modified through the Dark Arts into a magical candle. In fact, the Sawyer Twins had two! Snape, reluctantly, grabbed onto the one Hal had, while Shenhua, on Frederica's gesture, took the other…

* * *

They ventured forth into the meat-packing plant proper, dark, hot, and filled with silent machines and the stench of meat, shadows everywhere, the only light coming from a few grimy windows. The quartet made their way stealthily through the darkness. But then, they heard giggling in the darkness. The giggling of a child. And then, singing in a language that only Snape knew as Romanian. In fact, the lyrics sounded like a lullaby.

Hal and Rica were holding a mental conversation as they made their way through the darkness. _Children? They sent_ _ **children**_ _to attack us?_ Hal asked. _I don't know whether to be insulted or not_.

 _If they are assassins, they'd have to be lethal enough if they were hired. And they were smart enough to cut the power_ , Rica pointed out. _They're expecting us to stumble around in the darkness. This singing is psychological warfare. I'll make a diversion, try to lure them out of hiding. I'll make a sound of a chainsaw revving up come from near the meat refrigerator_.

Hal nodded, and Rica gestured with her hand. Suddenly, the sound of a chainsaw being revved up roared through the dark hot factory. Almost instantly, they glimpsed a ghostly-white face dashing by, dressed in dark clothes that almost hid them in the darkness. It was a boy, wielding a pair of axes. And wearing night vision goggles.

They pursued him, and soon found him and a girl of the same age near the refrigerator, wielding a massive machine gun with a toy dangling from it. "There's nobody here, _sora mea_ ," the boy pouted, his lilting tone suggesting it was little more than a game to them.

"Don't worry, _fratele meu_ ," the girl said. "We left those surprises on the exits. They can't go anywhere even if they could see in the dark."

Mentally, Rica and Hal roared, _Expelliarmus!_ Jets of magic smashed into the twins, sending them, and their weapons, flying. The attacking twins flew right into the meat refrigerator, while the weapons ended up at the Sawyers' feet. The Sawyer Twins then handed their Hands of Glory fully over to their respective partners, and cast _Lumos_ spells on their fingers. Hal had Mjolnir ready, while Rica, who took her bag with her, removed Ash's Hand.

As they advanced forward, they dived to the side on instinct as gunfire erupted from within the meat refrigerator. They then Apparated behind their opponents, who were wielding pistols. They must have had spare firearms. However, the deafening noise of the gunfire covered up the noise of their Apparition, and they stood behind the twins as they exhausted their magazines. "Do you think we killed them, _fratele meu?_ " the girl asked.

"I hope we didn't, _sora mea_ ," the boy said. "I want to play more."

Rica decided to take that as her cue to rev up the chainsaw. As one, the pale twins turned to face the Sawyer Twins, smiling, despite the situation. Hal had Mjolnir pointing right at the boy's chest, and Rica was sneering down at the girl.

Rica hissed, through her electrolarynx, the choker once more on her throat, two words.

" _Playtime's over._ "

Just as Hal unleashed a blast from Mjolnir, the boy dived to the side, and while the lethal bolt missed his body, it managed to hit his arm, leaving it a charred mess. Rica brought the chainsaw down, only for the girl to block it with her pistols, crossed in front of her face. The chainsaw cut through the pistols almost as swiftly as they did flesh, so the girl dodged back, dropping the pistols and bringing a submachine gun out. Hal sent an _Expelliarmus_ at her, only to scream silently in pain as the boy thrust a knife into his thigh. He lashed out with Mjolnir at the boy's chest, feeling a satisfying crunch as he broke at least a couple of ribs. He looked down briefly at his leg. Thankfully, it hadn't hit any major arteries (and given his experience cutting up dead and alive bodies, he knew as much anatomy and physiology as he needed to), so he took it out, and healed the wound. He then flung the knife back at the boy, who tried to dodge, only for the knife to just tag his shoulder.

 _This is getting annoying_ , Rica snarled via their mental link as her opponent dodged a swing of her chainsaw. _Let's knock these little shits out and use Legilimency on them to find out who sent them_.

 _Agreed_ , Hal said, before he pointed his spare hand at the boy. He thought, _Stupefy_. The red jet of energy smacked the boy in the head, and the boy collapsed, stunned.

"Hansel!" screamed the girl, before Rica managed to hit her with a _Stupefy_.

After a moment, Rica looked over at Hal. _I'll go and deal with the power, and get rid of whatever surprises they had on the doors. I'll use Apparition to get out there. You take these little monsters, and find out who sent them, or if they took up Potter's offer of their own volition. They seem too-well trained to me_.

Hal nodded, using Body-Bind spells to ensure that they didn't break free when they regained consciousness. They may look like children, but Hal agreed with Rica. They were monsters. And he was going to find out what motivated them to do this…

* * *

Snape and Shenhua followed Hal and his burdens back. Partway through their trek through the meat-packing factory, the power came back on. And soon, they were back in the workspace of the Sawyer Twins.

Hal used duct tape to tie the two to chairs and gag them, and then brought them back to consciousness. Then, he took his electrolarynx, and said, " _I'm going to use Legilimency on them._ "

"You going to mind-read them?" Shenhua asked.

"In the crudest and oversimplified Muggle terms, yes," Snape said. Still, he had to admit, he was curious. He wondered how skilled Hal was in Legilimency.

After pointing his hand at the boy's head for a few seconds, his eyes closed in concentration, Hal's eyes suddenly snapped open, and he limped over to a nearby sink in a hurry, before emptying his stomach into it. "Hey, you all right?" Shenhua demanded.

"Of course he isn't, you stupid Muggle!" Snape snapped, before the Taiwanese brought a kukri to his face.

"Call me stupid one more time, and I give you much-needed nose job. No anaesthetic."

Snape glared at the woman, before he said, as calmly as he could manage, "There are two reasons he would have reacted like that. Either, improbably, these two are extremely-skilled Occlumens who have put in traps in their minds and he blundered into them like a dunderhead, or…I would venture to say that the most likely reason is that their memories were what provoked that reaction." It must have been bad to provoke such a reaction in a young man so inured to killing and torture, Snape reflected.

At that point, Rica re-entered. " _These brats left booby-traps containing military-grade tear gas on most of the exits. They would have heard the noise and our coughing, so…_ " she buzzed. She then noticed Hal heaving into the sink, and her eyes widened in shock. " _What happened?!_ "

"He look into their minds, he not like what he see," Shenhua said with a shrug.

Hal finished heaving, before he looked at Rica. After a few seconds, her hands flew up to her face in horror. Then, after a moment, she nodded. Hal closed his eyes, and a few seconds passed before Rica staggered over and vomited into the sink. "What so bad about them?" Shenhua asked, out of concern for her friends.

Hal gestured at the twin children, before activating his electrolarynx. " _They are from Romania, from an orphanage that used its children in child pornography, even snuff films. I got to see it from their point of view_ ," he said, his lips curling in disgust. " _They're twisted little monsters. They believe that every time they kill someone, their lives are extended. They got that notion from being trained to kill other children in those films. I feel sorry for them, but only so much. They wanted to play with us, torture us. They even swap identities. Their names are Hansel and Gretel, though they switch names when they switch clothes and identities. They even screw each other._ "

Rica finished emptying her stomach, before she said, " _They're like us Hal. Too much like us._ "

"Why did **you** vomit, then?" Snape asked.

" _We share a mental link. We can send memories over it if we want. Hal didn't want to show me…but I wanted to share his burden. That being said, I think we can use memory charms to remove the worst of it from our minds_." She looked down at the children with a mixture of pity, disgust and hatred. " _They're like us…only worse. Much worse. Hal, how do you want to do this?_ "

" _Kill them, send their heads back to Verrocchio as a message, and burn the bodies. He sent them to try and kill us, and Balalaika, but he had no idea of what they really were like. As much as I don't want to be merciful to these monsters…I just want to get this over and done with._ "

" _Agreed_ ," Rica said, nodding her head…

* * *

Verrocchio was not happy when the bag turned up just outside his headquarters. He knew that Hansel and Gretel had gone off to kill the Sawyer Twins, and hopefully, he'd be able to pick up that reward. After having his men check that it wasn't a bomb, he had it brought inside. He soon realised that it couldn't be a bomb. There were two rather soft items in there. And he guessed what they were.

He peeked inside the bag, and then closed it up, having seen all he needed to see. The heads of Hansel and Gretel, their eyes closed in gentle repose, at peace. There was an envelope attached to the bag, and he opened it.

 _As the Americans would say, three strikes and you're out. These are strikes one and two. Prongs will die. Don't make the mistake of joining him and these two in Hell._

 _The Sawyer Twins_.

Verrocchio sighed. At this point, he knew he had to cut his losses. He made a mistake sending these two after the Sawyer Twins first, and not Hotel Moscow. He'd let greed get the best of him. No, he would let the Sawyer Twins go for now. He just needed to find a better way of toppling Chang and Balalaika from their lofty thrones…

 **CHAPTER 7 ANNOTATIONS:**

 **So, the Sawyer Twins beat Hansel and Gretel. We'll deal with the fallout of Hal and Rica looking at the memories of these two later. However, we can see some interesting parallels between their lives, though the Sawyer Twins, in the end, had it better than Hansel and Gretel. And they are less like them. They're still sadistic nasty pieces of work, but they also are rational and functional, whereas Hansel and Gretel…well, you saw what happened to them in canon.**

 **The next chapter will have Dumbledore making his move.**

 **Review-answering time!** **Sakura Lisel** **: Dumbledore is an optimist when it comes to the innate goodness of human nature. Even in Magical Britain, this is a fairly isolated viewpoint. In Roanapur, especially so. Harry was five, and Hydra six, or thereabouts. In fact, Dumbledore is hoping, in the worst case scenario (in which he assumes Harry and Hydra to be mercenaries in Roanapur, when in fact, they're worse), they can be retained to stop Voldemort. But he learns differently, as noted, and the next chapter has Dumbledore try to appeal to them. Emphasis on 'try'.**

 **Guest** **: Regarding Avon…well, that's debatable. Avon could be diplomatic at times, but he rarely did so. But in a way, that works to his own advantage. In** ** _The City at the Edge of the World_** **, for example, Tarrant bullies Vila into accepting a job (Tarrant not knowing it was for Bayban the Butcher, a psychopath played with aplomb by future Sixth Doctor Colin Baker), and Avon and Cally decide, later, to look for Vila and rescue him if necessary, with Avon pointing out to Tarrant that Vila will accept help from Avon and Cally, but not Tarrant. Tarrant understands why Vila would accept Cally, but not why he'd accept Avon. Avon says, "He knows what I think about him." Tarrant, bemused, says, "You** ** _despise_** **him." Whereupon Avon says, "Right, but at least I am consistent about it."**

 **Anyway, Snape does have a knack of creating new enemies. I think he believes friends to be unreliable, especially after Lily rejected him and Voldemort and Dumbledore basically have him in indentured servitude. As for that fic involving James and Sirius becoming Patients Zero for an STD…well, haven't read it, but that sounds very unsurprising, even with the canon characters…**

 **Jostanos** **: Yeah, not gonna happen, though Fred and George may yet make an appearance…**

 **Reishin Amara** **: Again, not gonna happen…but maybe one day I could do a fic where Hansel and Gretel are adopted by someone who, if not 'cures' them, then channels their more violent impulses into more constructive ways. gunman did one where Rock manages to stop their rampage before it fully begins, and I think there's one with Naruto adopting them while looking for a child of his who was kidnapped by Verrocchio. I can certainly see one where they're adopted by Anko Mitarashi from** ** _Naruto_** **…**

 **Archangel N Bloodraven** **: I wasn't** ** _consciously_** **aping Handsome Jack, actually, though you have a point. What I did was transfer the worst elements of Dumbledore in those works that make Dumbledore into a villain into James, as well as elements of the stock bashable WBWL character. But that's a fair point. James is consumed by his own self-righteousness that he believes everything he does is automatically right because he is James Potter, like Handsome Jack. One of Dumbledore's redeeming features is his own self-doubt and self-reproach and introspection. James has none of these. Even his love for his son, Charles, was mostly because he had an heir of his own blood and, when Charles was declared the Boy Who Lived, used him as political capital.**

 **Incidentally, I wrote much about Handsome Jack in my** ** _Borderlands_** **OC fic series,** ** _The Ballad of Ricky and Angel_** **. The first two instalments,** ** _Hooked on a Feeling_** **and** ** _You've Got to Hide Your Love Away_** **are complete, plug plug.**

 **antishyguy weegee** **: I only heard about it after watching the first episode of** ** _Yu-Gi-Oh! Season Zero Abridged_** **. Yami, when he first takes over Yugi, says the line. I found out where it came from later.**

 **No numbered annotations this time.**


	9. Chapter 8: Dumbledore's Folly

**CHAPTER 8:**

 **DUMBLEDORE'S FOLLY**

It was some time before Dumbledore could pluck up the wherewithal to confront one of his biggest mistakes. And make no mistake: he knew that he had accumulated many. The older one got, the longer a litany of errors became.

And he had made many big mistakes. There was his love for Grindlewald and his embracing of Grindlewald's philosophy. Even now, he found himself trying to enforce a more benign version of the Greater Good, for utilitarianism was the best philosophy, wasn't it? And then, there was not picking up on the warning signs around one Tom Marvolo Riddle, later to become Lord Voldemort. And now, it was how he had interacted with the Potter family, from the time when James Potter first came to Hogwarts, to the prophecy, to wilfully ignoring the warning signs, to stage-managing Charles Potter's rise and training to make him into the symbol Magical Britain needed…

All for naught.

Charles had been rather spoilt, he thought, but during his first year, he managed to find the true heroism within. Without Charles, Hermione Granger may very well have been injured grievously, or else killed by the troll Quirrell let in. Without Charles, Ginny Weasley would have been consumed by Voldemort's shade within the Diary. And when the time came to make the ultimate sacrifice…

Except it had been too soon. And for nothing. Dumbledore had shaped a partly-selfless messiah…only for him to die to save his friends. Too soon, for Dumbledore had hoped Charles could be trained up enough to face Voldemort…and prevail, preferably in a way that meant the Horcrux in him was destroyed, but not Charles. Dumbledore wanted a symbol and a messiah, but not a martyr, unless it was utterly necessary. But Charles, in the end, had done what was right, and not what was easy.

Whereas Dumbledore couldn't have said the same thing for himself.

The smallest glimmer of hope was that Harry had survived, as the prophecy was still active. But that became dimmed when Dumbledore, using an arcane ritual not dissimilar to that used to find magical children for enrolment at Hogwarts, tracked down Harry's current location. Roanapur.

Dumbledore was not ignorant of Muggle society, and he knew of the heights of its achievements…and the lowest depths it had plumbed. Roanapur had something of a reputation for infamy. And he had to wonder, how far had Harry sunk?

Then again, of late, he also had to wonder about James Potter. He had seen glimpses of a darker man behind the mask for a long time, but for too long he had been oblivious to that, and wilfully so. James Potter had been like a grandson, and like a grandson, he had spoiled him, intending to make James his successor. Instead, Dumbledore was beginning to think he had created a monster. Now the death of Remus Lupin looked suspect, as did the alleged deaths of Harry and Hydra.

And last night, he understood the true depths of his folly. Using Omnioculars, he had witnessed how Harry and Hydra, now the Sawyer Twins, decimated those Death Eaters, along with that Taiwanese woman, Shenhua. Whatever the Sawyer Twins had been before, their lives here had changed them, and not for the better. Frederica used a chainsaw, for crying out loud! A staple weapon of the horror genre!

He was now fairly sure that James and Sirius, given their reactions, hadn't caught Harry and Hydra in the middle of dabbling in the Dark Arts. Both of the surviving Marauders seemed too eager to want the Sawyer Twins dead, calling them monsters after hearing about the massacre. Dumbledore hoped to bring the Sawyer Twins back to the Light, or at least attempt to make amends for his horrible mistakes. Instead, he realised that James and Sirius had attempted to murder them. He could guess at the why for Harry at least: being cuckolded had been the spur for many a man to commit murder. But Hydra? Had Sirius truly blamed Bellatrix's daughter for the sins of the mother?

People thought that Dumbledore's obsession with lemon sherbets was merely one of his eccentricities. In truth, he enjoyed sour things in a sort of masochistic way. It reminded him how sweet things could be, and how thoroughly they could sour.

Having found out where the Sawyer Twins made their business, Dumbledore made his way to the meatpacking plant. As he approached the door, he stopped as a smell entered his nostrils. It was a smell too-familiar from World War II, when he had come to the extermination camps throughout Europe, the Nazi death machine of the Holocaust exploited by Grindlewald for his own dark ends. And more recently, the smell of people burning from _Incendio_ and Fiendfyre spells.

It was burning human flesh. Faint, but noticeable.

His gorge rose, but he suppressed it with an effort. He walked to the door, the service door of the plant, and raised a gnarled fist to rap on it, only to pause, his nerve shaken. Did he really have the wherewithal to meet them, to face their accusations? Accusations that he now knew were probably true? And did he truly have the stomach to confront children he had failed once more, and allowed to become monsters, even if they weren't quite at the level of Voldemort?

He'd come too far, he thought. He needed to be steadfast, and confront one of his mistakes. So he rapped on the door.

After a moment, the Taiwanese woman he had met in Chang's office, Shenhua, answered it. "Oh, it you," she said in her broken English. "What you want?"

"I wished to speak to the Sawyers."

She glared at him, before she said, "I go, see if they want talk. We sent Snape back to Britain." As Dumbledore felt a chill of horror, she said, "Oh, he fine. Just bit traumatised at seeing crazy woman chopped up. Bell-Tricks or something?"

Bellatrix Lestrange, she meant. Dumbledore was struck by how similar this Shenhua was to Bellatrix. Nowhere near as insane, but certainly quirky and lethal.

She closed the door on him. After a couple of minutes she opened the door and let him in. "Okay, they see you. But no tricks, Mr Merlin. Already deal with stupid people, some with guns, some with wands."

He was led into a sterile, tiled room that had the air of a morgue, where his quarry were seated at a folding table, a triptych of glasses around a bottle of what had to be strong liquor. Both were dressed in dark clothing, which he thought was similar to what they called 'goth fashion' in Muggle terms. Both had messy dark hair, and hollow eyes that looked dead, or at least bereft of vitality. The woman had a choker on her neck with a disc-like device, her chainsaw near her feet, while Dumbledore noted the man, who had to be Harry, or Hal Sawyer, held a rod in one hand, his cane nearby. And the looks they shot him were hostile, though he couldn't blame them. But not so hostile that they seemed set to attack or expel him. Which was a good sign. He needed every one he could get.

Dumbledore stood, only for Frederica to gesture, and a chair form itself from the floor. Wandless, wordless Transfiguration, Dumbledore realised. These two were horrendously talented. In fact, given the way they had fought last night, he realised that, if they really wanted to, they could easily lead a crime gang of their own. That they hadn't was either heartening or disturbing, because it meant that they were content with their current line of work.

Though at least they gave him a chair to sit in. They were at least going through the motions of courtesy. He carefully and wandlessly cast a charm at Hal, and was ambivalent about the result, that no Horcrux existed within him. It meant he didn't have to die. But given his actions so far, such relief was bittersweet.

As he opened his mouth to speak, Frederica interjected, her voice having a dull, buzzing monotone that reminded Dumbledore of a Cyberman he had seen in an old _Doctor Who_ episode. " _Do not say you're sorry. Do not try to ask for our forgiveness. We have gone beyond that point. And don't bother making any pleas for us to head to Britain. We are going to do that before long, but on_ _ **our**_ _terms._ "

Hal nodded, his dead eyes nonetheless glaring at him. " _Voldemort will not stop until I am dead. That is reason enough to kill him. We are cleaners. We clean up other people's messes all the time_ ," he said, his flat buzzing monotone having an accusatory edge on the last sentence.

"By torturing and murdering people?" Dumbledore asked, his voice quiet with horror.

" _That is what we do_ ," Frederica said remorselessly. " _Those we kill are themselves criminals. Sometimes, all they are guilty of is stealing from the wrong people. Other times, like my mother or those twins we encountered this morning, want to torture and murder other people, including ourselves._ "

" _But we do not kill without reason_ ," Hal said. " _We may enjoy it at times, but we do not kill without reason. Anyway, the view must look great from your high horse._ "

"Don't argue with him, he not listen," Shenhua said, rolling her eyes. "Especially if we say James Potter wanted you dead."

"James wanted you dead?" Dumbledore asked. "But why?"

" _Because we are mistakes he wanted erased_ ," Hal snarled.

" _Because he and Black wanted to kill us in order to create_ _ **Horcruxes**_ ," Frederica hissed.

Dumbledore paled at that. "…That can't be…"

Hal rolled his eyes contemptuously. " _I called it. He doesn't want to believe it._ " He jabbed a finger at his scarred throat. " _You wanna know how I got these scars? My father was a drinker, and a fiend, and one night, he goes crazier than usual. I got the kitchen knife to defend myself, and he didn't like that. Not. One. Bit. Need I go on? He and Black took me and Rica into the cellar at 12 Grimmauld Place, sliced our throats open with a silver knife, and prepared to use our deaths to create Horcruxes. And where were you, Leader of the Light? Huh? You were in your ivory tower, snorting lemon sherbet like it was cocaine, I'm sure. Not once did you think it odd that six and five year old children would be accused of dabbling in the Dark Arts. Oh yes, we heard about that cover story. And you bought it like people buy shoddy guns and ammo from the Rip-Off Church, because James Potter and Sirius Black could do no wrong in your eyes. Well, look at what that got you._ "

Before Dumbledore could interject, Frederica beat him to the punch. " _We will come over to Britain, we will deal with Voldemort, and it will be on our terms. Nothing you say or do will make us do otherwise. As for James Potter and Sirius Black_ …" She picked up her chainsaw pointedly. " _Voldemort is business. They will be for pleasure. They put a price on our heads, so we will take theirs._ "

Dumbledore's feeble attempt to protest was cut short by Shenhua giving him a look. "You overstay welcome, yes? You far from home, Gandalf. This Roanapur. Anyway, I want quiet drink with friends, yes? Stressful day. I suggest you do same. You look like you need strong drink."

Dumbledore knew there was little more to say here. They were going to head over to Britain anyway, even if it wasn't in the way he wanted. All the power he had at his disposal…and there was little he could do. Not without crossing lines he didn't want to cross.

Or…perhaps there was another way. These two, he decided, needed the mind-healers of St Mungo's. It was their only hope…Britain's only hope…and Dumbledore's only hope. He would have to stun them, restrain them, and take them back to Britain. Hopefully, he could forgive himself.

"FAWKES!" he yelled, and the Phoenix arrived in his customary flash of fire, singing. As they were distracted by the Phoenix's arrival, Dumbledore used a Stunner on Shenhua. The Taiwanese, taken by surprise, was knocked out.

"Take him to St Mungo's!" Dumbledore yelled at Fawkes as Frederica revved up her chainsaw. Hal was the priority. He was the symbol of hope for Magical Britain. Hopefully, he would be able to include Frederica in that. He had no intention of breaking them up. Indeed, a union between a Potter (even if what he suspected was true, and Hal was Lupin's son) and a Lestrange would go a long way to heal rifts in Magical Britain. But not as they were now.

Fawkes swooped down at Hal, only for Hal to use a wandless Banishing Charm on Fawkes, sending the Phoenix at Frederica…who intercepted Fawkes with her chainsaw. The magnificent bird was bisected, blood and viscera spraying everywhere. The remains of Fawkes hit the table, and burst into flames, which died down to reveal a Phoenix chick, sitting bemusedly in a pile of his own ashes.

Dumbledore had only a moment to gawk in horror before he was hit by a bolt from Hal's walking stick. He felt his body convulse and spasm as he sagged to the floor. Distantly, he felt his bowels empty. By the time he regained any semblance of control over his body, the Sawyer Twins were standing over him, the cane pointed at him, as was the chainsaw.

" _That was your last warning_ ," Frederica buzzed. " _Try to interfere with us again…and we interfere with your internal organs._ "

Hal sniffed the air, before going over to a nearby freezer drawer, supposedly used for storing bodies, and extracted a bottle of liquor. Hal then looked down at Dumbledore while casting what had to be the Portkey spell. " _Hold onto the bottle. You'll need it after today_ ," Hal said coldly. " _And you also need a good swim to wash your clothes._ "

With that, he pressed the bottle into Dumbledore's hand...

* * *

…And then, Dumbledore was falling into the harbour just near, as he would discover, the dock of the Lagoon Company…

* * *

Shenhua was annoyed that she let Dumbledore get the drop on her. She swore profusely in Hokkien for several minutes after the Sawyers roused her. After calming herself down, she said, with a translation charm being used by the Sawyer Twins, " _Are we still going to go to Britain?_ "

" _What do you mean 'we', Shenhua?_ " Rica asked, as she idly poked at the chick that had once been a Phoenix, barely avoiding getting her finger nipped.

" _Hey, you forget, I may mostly work for Chang, but I do a lot of freelance stuff anyway. When Chang told me about the price Prongs put on your head, I asked him whether I could come with you to Britain. He said I could, once one job I have to do with Leigharch is done. We're friends, right?_ "

Shenhua watched as the Sawyers looked at each other. During their brief acquaintance (well, once she had met them without their work clothes), she knew they could speak to each other with some sort of freaky magic telepathy. Then, they looked back at her. Hal asked, " _Are you sure? This isn't your fight, Shenhua._ "

" _Meh, I'm itching for some action. These punks at least allow me to keep my knives sharp, and my skills sharper. Plus, I haven't been to England before. I want to do a little sightseeing while we're there, yes?_ "

Shenhua wanted to be there for them. She had felt an odd kind of friendship with the silent pair even before she saw their faces, and with everything that happened over the last couple of days, between a maid from Hell (well, Columbia, but the Sawyers had told her Roberta had been ex-FARC, an infamous brutal soldier), magical Nazis from Britain, and child assassins from Romania, she wanted to be there for them. While it was true, when all was said and done, that there was no honour between thieves, it didn't mean bonds of friendship couldn't develop, even amongst the deadliest of Roanapur. And sometimes, even in the most hardened of criminals needed someone to rely on, to be there for them.

What they had seen in the minds of the creepy kids (Hansel and Gretel, their names, or assumed names, were) had shaken them. And Shenhua wanted to be there, to assure them that they weren't alone. She wanted to make sure her friends were safe. And while they could handle themselves against most foes, just as Shenhua herself could handle most foes herself, they all knew that cooperation helped. Lone wolves had a short life, especially in Roanapur, and even mercenaries tended to have a patron of sorts. And while the Sawyer Twins had each other, Shenhua wanted to keep them alive, and with that, the friendship she had with them.

And like she said, slicing and dicing a bunch of wizards who thought those without magic were automatically inferior sounded fun. It was like those people who dissed her poor English-speaking ability, or looked down on her for being Asian, or dressing sexily (seriously, just because she dressed to show off her body didn't make her a prostitute, though Shenhua was cheerfully and unrepentantly hypocritical in calling Revy the same). Shenhua was a hunter, and there were times when she wanted to merely indulge in the dark joys of the hunt.

And she could see it too. In supposedly dead eyes, there glittered a hunger for the hunt, for blood spilled, for the screams for mercy that would never come, for seeing the life fade from their quarry's eyes.

Yes. She had friends. And fellow hunters. And together, they would carve a blood-soaked swathe through the fools of Magical Britain…

 **CHAPTER 8 ANNOTATIONS:**

 **Okay, so, there you have it. Dumbledore's made one last-ditch effort to bring the Sawyers under his control, and failed miserably, and Shenhua's heading to Britain with them. The next chapter will have a timeskip of a couple of weeks to when the Sawyer Twins and Shenhua end up in Britain.**

 **Now, the reason why Dumbledore makes an attempt to kidnap them is because I thought he was being too passive in this chapter. When Dumbledore acts, he** ** _acts_** **. And, if Hal hadn't been so quick, Fawkes may have taken him to St Mungo's. Though something tells me that Hal would have broken his way out like Harry did less-lethally in** ** _Harry Potter and the Endless Night_** **by The Sage of Toads…which I wholeheartedly recommend, by the way, as a brilliant mix of the Potterverse and** ** _Hellsing Ultimate Abridged_** **. No, really.**

 **It might be a while before the next chapter is posted. It's all written, I just want to take a break, and the end of the Roanapur part of the story is a nice place to end it for the moment. In the meantime, I may post the first chapters of** ** _Quoth the Raven_** **…**

 **Review-answering time!** **tamagat** **: Hmm…if Thestrals are willing to eat human corpses, I think they'd sooner have a couple of Thestrals.**

 **Reishin Amara** **: Thank you. I had gotten tired of sleeping at night. All jokes aside, Hansel and Gretel in the Holy Grail War is a frightening concept. And yes, I can see them summoning Jack the Ripper. Hell, I can see them summoning Bluebeard/Caster instead of Ryuunosuke and getting along with him even better than he did with Ryuunosuke. He'd probably be delighted to have children as his Master(s) who are so well-versed in atrocity, and are willing to learn. Fuck, that's a scary thought…**

 **Gabriel Herrol** **: Bellatrix was still alive, but in the hold of various spells that kept her alive. Once they dealt with Hansel and Gretel, they went back and finished the job. Anyway, they had to prioritise. They couldn't deal with Bellatrix properly in the dark with a pair of pre-pubescent homicidal maniacs on the loose.**

 **Jostanos** **: I've no idea. We'll see…**

 **Guest** **: I think the episode in question was** ** _Shadow_** **. I think Avon actually didn't think highly of Blake trying to negotiate with the crime boss, and when Blake was betrayed, and decided to use force, Avon merely replies (in another great line), "Force? Yes, of course. Lawmakers, law-breakers, let us fight them all, why not?" I love the lines at the end of the episode where Vila asks, "Where are all the good guys?" Blake responds with, "You could be looking at them," and Avon snidely retorts, "What a very depressing thought."**

 **As for Snape's attitude, well, I recently bought a novelty mug reading, "Go Away! I'm Allergic to Stupid!" I think he feels the same way. Dealing with Dumbledore, James and Sirius for so long, along with added pressure from Voldemort, has eroded his tolerance of people. What little he had, anyway. When he turns up at the Yellow Flag, he's basically got the mindset, "I don't want to deal with this shit any more than I have to." Hence his snappishness. I think once he gets used to what life in Roanapur is like, he would fit in better. In fact, that gives me an idea of him actually leaving Britain to stay in Roanapur…**

 **sinnerlust** **: I don't intend to do that story, but someone else might. And given how vampirism works in** ** _Hellsing_** **, it'd give a chilling edge to Hansel and Gretel's philosophy that, the more people they kill, the longer they can live for…**

 **EroSlackerMicha** **: As you've read above, Hal and Rica are heading to Britain, but for their own reasons.**

 **Valdimarian** **: I never thought of it like that. Dumbledore plus a Hawaiian shirt looking like Roshi.**

 **No numbered annotations this time.**


	10. Chapter 9: The Storm Arrives

**CHAPTER 9:**

 **THE STORM ARRIVES**

 _About two weeks later_ …

There was a storm coming. A number of people knew that something was about to come to Magical Britain, something primal and furious. And they were afraid, even if, save for a few, they wouldn't admit it.

Tom Marvolo Riddle, better known by his _nom de guerre_ of Lord Voldemort, was afraid. Not that he would dare admit so. No, when the Death Eaters who had survived the raid on Roanapur came back alive, he handed out Cruciatus Curses like candy at Halloween. He only refrained from sending more people there because he wanted to hear Severus' report…and hopefully, find Bella.

The next day, Severus returned…with what was left of Bella. And a report that was almost unbelievable, had it not been for the fact that Severus had offered the memories willingly.

Voldemort had to admit, what they did to Bellatrix Lestrange was a masterful work of torture. If only they hadn't made it clear, through Severus, delegated to their message boy, that they intended to kill him. They didn't care about Voldemort's actions in Magical Britain. They only cared that Voldemort had targeted them. And while Voldemort believed, in his arrogance, that he was utterly invincible, a small part of him quailed ever-so-slightly. Because that part knew that, in savagery and sadism and relentlessness if nothing else, he had met his match in the Sawyer Twins.

At the Potter Manor, James Potter and Sirius Black got drunk every day, hoping for good news from Thailand. James had left means for him to be communicated with should someone claim the bounty. Unfortunately, so far, the only communication so far was a curt refusal from the Italians, claiming that they had sent their best assassins, and their heads had been sent back. James and Sirius had headed back to Britain reluctantly, waving off questions from Dumbledore and Snape. The surviving Marauders were in seclusion. They too felt fear of the Sawyer Twins, even if they were in denial. And they made plans of their own for revenge, not just against the Sawyer Twins, but everyone else they believed had slighted them.

At Hogwarts, Dumbledore wallowed in his own misery and self-reproach. He confided in few. McGonagall had berated him. While she had indulged the Marauders to a degree, her relationship with them had cooled after Hogwarts, especially after Remus' death. She had been one of the few at the time who didn't believe the werewolf to be a traitor. And she had witnessed the deteriorating relationship between the surviving Marauders and their wards. And now, she saw the fruits of Dumbledore's folly: Charles Potter dead, and Harry now a killer and cleaner.

Rufus Scrimgeour had learned of the disastrous attempt to extract Harry. The former Auror knew that he would have a hard time stopping them. He was going to go through the motions, but he knew that the Death Eaters and Dumbledore, along with the surviving Marauders, had roused a force of nature. He decided to delegate the task of stopping the Sawyer Twins when they did arrive to Dolores Umbridge: she had been hated by most within the Ministry, save for Fudge and the Blood Purists, who she agreed with. Sending her out on a suicidal mission to stop the Sawyers was a way of keeping the Batrachian Bitch busy…and hopefully get her invalided out or killed. Unfortunately, neither happened when she pissed off those Centaurs, though she was sore for days.

Rumours spread throughout Charles Potter's circle of friends. Ron Weasley, Neville Longbottom, Hermione Granger, Luna Lovegood, Ginny Weasley, they all heard horror tales of the Sawyer Twins in whispers from Tonks and Moody. Hermione and Luna were the only ones to truly believe them: they both knew about Roanapur and its reputation. Ron, while willing to believe that the Sawyers were Dark, found it hard to believe that they, along with a Muggle, made short work of a dozen Death Eaters, and with Muggle weapons to boot, even if modified. Ginny and Neville just didn't know what to believe.

The storm broke on July 31, what would have been Charles Potter's 16th birthday…and Hal, who had been born coincidentally on the same day, had his 20th…

* * *

Hermione knew they would come for her, sooner or later. As a Muggleborn, she was vulnerable. As one of the best-performing Muggleborns in Hogwarts, she stood out. As the friend of the late Charles Potter, she was a target.

As spells smashed into her house, and she returned fire (as did her father, courtesy of a pistol, a leftover from his military service), she wondered how they tracked her down. Was it records in the Ministry of Magic? Or at Hogwarts? Or had one of the Death Eaters actually had the idea of checking a phonebook? Of course, it was something of a moot point now: they were here. And that useless piece of shit Fletcher was nowhere to be found. Where was Tonks or Moody or Shacklebolt? Someone competent guarding them? And who thought it a good idea to assign the notoriously unreliable Fletcher to guard her? If it was Dumbledore, she was going to shave his beard right off, and that was just for starters.

Assuming she survived this.

Hermione's parents had wanted to take her out of Hogwarts, and while she understood their reasoning, she also knew that they would make themselves even more vulnerable. Even if they went across to France and enrolled her in Beauxbatons, it wouldn't stop Voldemort from attacking. Plus, the Ministry, especially how it was last year, might have Obliviated her and her parents out of spite, using the letter of the law to hamper the chances Muggleborns had to protect themselves. It took her a long time to explain to her parents, not because they didn't understand, but because they were as stubborn as she could be. Well, she had to get it from somewhere.

Charles Potter had been full of himself when she first met him, but he had also been a good friend. Of course, their friendship only really started when he, along with Ron, saved her from a troll. And it had gotten rocky at times. But they had been friends. And now, he was dead. Slain by Voldemort. And she would be next if the cavalry didn't arrive soon.

She wondered about Harry, well Hal Sawyer. She remembered what Tonks had told her about him, about what she witnessed in Roanapur. And, as horrified as she was at their exploits, the truth was, as she was right now, she would rather have them than almost anyone in the Order. Save for Tonks, Moody or Shacklebolt.

Of course, last-minute rescues only happened in stories. The cavalry had arrived too late at the Department of Mysteries, at least to save Charles. There would be no cavalry here.

Then again, on occasion, things stepped over from stories to reality.

Suddenly, Hermione heard a sound she had never associated with a heroic rescue before. A sound that would normally evoke a sense of absolute, primal terror. And yet, to her ears, it was the sweetest of music, because she knew someone had shown up, if not to rescue her, then to stop the Death Eaters.

The sound of a chainsaw revving up.

The Death Eaters only had a few seconds' warning before a figure appeared, burying a chainsaw in the back of one of them, grinning maniacally. Hermione's eyes widened. Goth clothing, messy dark hair, hollow-looking eyes…this had to be Frederica Sawyer, aka Hydra Lestrange. With her maniacal look on her face, Hermione could definitely see the family resemblance.

Another Death Eater exploded with a deafening crack of thunder. Hermione stared at the figure that did the deed, dressed in loose black clothing. The same dead-looking eyes, though green, a messy mass of dark hair.

As they fought off the Death Eaters, Hermione became aware of a third fighter entering the fray. This was presumably the Taiwanese woman Moody and Tonks had spoken of, an agile, elegant killer who favoured kukri knives connected by a rope, along with smaller knives. Between the three of them, the Death Eaters were soon dead, or in retreat.

Her father poked his head out the window to look at the body-littered lawn, and then looked at his daughter in shock. "That's the cavalry," he said, in a flat tone of disbelief.

"Not exactly. Remember what Tonks and Moody were saying about those people they saw in Roanapur?" Hermione nodded out the window. "I think that's them."

Her mother, who had been next to her husband, got up and stared out the window. "Oh my God…I haven't seen that many body parts since I was called to identify the bodies after that plane crash," she muttered in horror, being a forensic odontologist rather than a dentist per se. Hermione just said that she was a dentist because it was easier.

The Taiwanese woman (didn't Tonks call her Shenhua?) came over, wearing a long jacket over a Chinese qipao dress. "You Muggleborn witch, yes?" she asked in broken English.

Hermione nodded, before saying, "Are you Shenhua?"

"Ah, reputation precede me?" Shenhua said with a dazzling smile on her admittedly beautiful face, as the Sawyers came up. "You lucky we nearby, tracking Death Eaters. Hey, Sawyers? What we do with these?"

The Sawyer Twins looked at each other for several seconds, before nodding. Hal approached, and then said, in a buzzing monotone from the electrolarynx he pressed to his throat, " _We can use the Fidelius on this house. I know how to cast it._ "

"The Fidelius?" Hermione demanded. "But how can you know?"

" _Trust me, I know. The better question is, why hasn't Dumbledore cast it on your house, despite you being a prominent target for Voldemort's snake-fellators?_ " Hal said.

"What's this Fidelius?" Hermione's mother asked.

" _A charm that can conceal a secret within a person's soul. They have to divulge the location voluntarily, or write it down on a piece of paper and show it to someone. We can make one of you three the Secret Keeper._ "

"Hey, how did you know I was a target for Voldemort?" Hermione demanded.

Frederica tapped the side of her head. " _Basic surface Legilimency after we finished off those idiots. We know your names. We knew Hermione Granger was a friend of Charles Potter. And before you protest that that's illegal…we don't care. Now, which one of you is going to be Secret Keeper for the location of this place?_ "

The Grangers looked at each other, before making their decision…

* * *

It was some time afterwards. Moody and Tonks were examining the phone lines at the Granger household. They had arrived at a time when it would have been too late, when Fletcher had come back and couldn't find the house. Moody and Tonks had arrived, and had been greeted by the Grangers. The mother of Hermione had mentioned that she had tried to call the Muggle emergency services, but couldn't get through. Tonks had thought that odd, and so too did Moody.

Moody checked the phone, and then the British Telecom equipment through a manhole. It was then that he frowned as his scans showed him something. "Tonks," he growled.

Tonks scanned the area he indicated, and scowled. "Blocks outgoing phone calls…but keyed specifically to 999. Since when did Death Eaters block emergency services to Muggleborns?"

"They never have. In the first war, they always attacked first responders if any showed up during the attack. Police, firemen, paramedics…it was hell for the Obliviators to cover up," Moody said. "I'd say they're getting smarter…but they haven't been about subtlety when it comes to these things, just kill as many Muggles as possible. Maybe a Halfblood or Pureblood with some knowledge of Muggles did this…but I think someone else did. Someone with a grudge against Granger. Not necessarily a Death Eater, but someone willing to let them do their dirty work."

"It can't be the Sawyer Twins. I mean, it was suspicious that they turned up so readily, but…"

"I think it was just coincidence. True, they could have set this up to make an impression…but I know of a spell like this. It's something I've heard someone bragging they could do."

"Who?"

"Lily Evans went through a lot of difficulty with her sister Petunia," Moody said. "After there was a major argument at the wedding, Potter bragged about using a spell like this to prevent Petunia from calling certain numbers. Some he blocked, others he redirected to Muggle adult phone lines. Apparently BT were puzzling over it for ages. I found it funny at the time, Petunia really was a bitch of the highest order. Think Umbridge, except as a horse-like housewife. Or like that Muggle woman on TV, what was her name, Bucket(1)?"

"Yeesh. Still, why would James Potter do that?"

"I don't know. But I can guess. Hermione was one of the six who went to the Department of Mysteries, remember? And Charles sacrificed himself to save them. Maybe Potter blames them for causing Charles' death. Remember, Charles was Potter's meal ticket. He used his fame for political pull. Even when the Ministry was doing their smear campaign, they still had considerable sway. But with Charles dead…well, he's lost a key bargaining chip, especially with marrying him off, and he's blaming everyone but himself. He can't harm any of the other members of that little group, because they're from Pureblood families. But hampering a Muggleborn's chances of survival? If what Dumbledore said was correct, and I think he is, and if James Potter was willing to kill Harry to create a Horcrux, he'd do this. Horcruxes, from what I've read, destabilise your mind. You become less and less rational, which'd explain a lot about Voldemort." Moody stood.

"So, you're saying that James Potter…and Sirius…they're both going Dark?"

"Yes. And they still have considerable sway in the Wizengamot now that Voldemort has been proved to be alive," Moody said grimly. "Less than they used to now that Charles is dead…but still enough. If they wanted to, they could launch a _coup d'etat_ and overthrow everyone, just like the _Prophet_ claimed. I think they want to wait for Dumbledore to make a mistake. Or maybe they're too irrational to think like that now. Snape told me that the Sawyer Twins claimed Potter put a bounty on their heads in Roanapur. And when a pair of assassins came along, they killed them. Okay, they were children, but apparently they were deadly little shits. Worse, killing them was a mercy. You remember those tales of what we found in Dolohov's basement? What happened to those assassins was like that, only Muggle."

Tonks, understandably, looked like she was going to be sick. Within the DMLE, Dolohov's proclivities were infamous thanks to word of mouth, but unfortunately or fortunately, the files had been sealed for the 'public interest'. They only kept Dolohov alive at the time because they thought the Kiss was too merciful. "But this is speculation, Moody," she hissed.

"Maybe…but I'd keep away from Potter and Black if I were you," Moody said grimly. "Dumbledore may be going soft…but I'd rather deal with him than a pair of upstarts who are jumping off the slippery slope…"

 **CHAPTER 9 ANNOTATIONS:**

 **So, there you have it. The first fight between Death Eaters and the Sawyers, at least on the Death Eaters' home turf. Oh, and James Potter and Sirius' mentality going further down the shitter. Next chapter (which, again, may not be out for a while), we'll have more from the Sawyers and Shenhua's POV.**

 **The reason why the Sawyers and Shenhua helped Hermione afterwards was pragmatic. If they did help, they could count on them for support, as well as muddy the waters against any accusations, especially where James and Sirius are concerned.**

 **Incidentally, fans of** ** _Black Lagoon_** **, I found a really good fan cover of** ** _Red Fraction_** **, the opening theme, on YouTube. It's by itsthefarrahmonster.**

 **Before I go onto review-answering, I'd like to take a moment to plug a couple of my other works. Both are** ** _Black Lagoon_** **crossovers, recently published.**

 **The first is a one-shot crossover with** ** _A Song of Ice and Fire_** **, called** ** _Roanapur's Imp_** **. Obviously, it features Tyrion Lannister, having made it to Roanapur through admittedly contrived means after the events of** ** _A Storm of Swords_** **. While I may turn it into a full fic should I get the wherewithal to do it, at the moment, it stands as a oneshot.**

 **The second will be familiar to those who have read** ** _The Cauldron_** **. Like this story, it's a Potterverse crossover, with a Harry/Sawyer pairing, and based on one of whitetigerwolf's challenges. The challenge, though, is the Animagus Lover one, it's a bit more comic than this one, and it's called** ** _Quoth the Raven_** **… Oh, which reminds me. While they are yet to make an appearance in the chapters posted to date, fans of Hansel and Gretel, they** ** _will_** **be in that fic, and what's more, they** ** _will_** **survive. And thrive.**

 **EDIT: For some weird reason, this website, while it uploaded the new chapter, refused to show the fic as updated. The same goes for the new chapter of _Quoth the Raven_. I've deleted this chapter and re-uploaded it, but I'm leery of doing the same to _Quoth the Raven_ , as some people noticed the new chapter, and I'm worried that will stuff up the reviews, so if you guys have been reading _Quoth the Raven_ , go and read the new chapter, Chapter 5. It's a doozy, with something that changes Sawyer's life forever...**

 **Review-answering time!** **kagemoto** **: No, Mjolnir is not a wand. It's more of a ridiculously overpowered magically-enhanced cattle prod. Rica and Hal have no need for wands, and viewed the difficult training in being able to use wandless magic as a good tradeoff for being able to do wandless magic.**

 **woodzrox** **: Unfortunately, Fawkes will still be a chick for quite a while, and he's not in any mood to help the Sawyers and Shenhua. They probably will take what they can, though…**

 **Guest** **: I think Rica and Hal might do some negotiating about getting the Potter and Black fortunes with the Goblins.**

 **Jostanos** **: Because Dumbledore is not a villain in this story, Fawkes hasn't been bound by any magic. And as noted above in my reply to woodzrox, he's not happy with the Sawyer Twins.**

 **Chi Vayne** **: Yes, but this Dumbledore, while not evil, is still something of a control freak. He doesn't want a pair of murderers cutting a swathe through the Death Eaters, partly because of Dumbledore's thing for forgiveness and redemption, and partly because of, well, he doesn't know the Sawyers well enough to know whether they'd avoid collateral damage. He basically sees them in the same light as he would see, say, Hansel and Gretel. Dumbledore in this story is well-intentioned, but you know what the road to hell is paved with…**

 **1\. Moody is referring to Hyacinth Bucket from** ** _Keeping Up Appearances_** **, of course.**


	11. Chapter 10: Birthday

**CHAPTER 10:**

 **BIRTHDAY**

It was lucky they were in the English summer, Shenhua thought to herself. Her native country was tropical, as was Roanapur, and her habitual outfit wasn't too bad for an English summer. Even if it was exotic enough to raise comment. As far as she knew, her reputation as an assassin hadn't spread beyond Taiwan and Roanapur, at least as far as the police of various countries were concerned. Her face wasn't exactly on Interpol's watch lists, and she would be happy for it to stay that way.

They got to sight-see a little, too, in and around London. Westminster Abbey, the Tower of London, Nelson's Column…later, Shenhua was going to do some shopping in Oxford Street and Carnaby Street, see if anything caught her eye. She doubted it, but at least she could say she had been there. Hal and Rica wanted to look at the museums later too.

And, of course, there was sticking it sideways to the Death Eaters, James Potter and Sirius Black.

In a way, while something of a working holiday, she found this more enjoyable than the last job she had to do for Chang before joining the Sawyer Twins on their little trip to Britain. She had to go and save Revy and Rock from a bunch of terrorists while they delivered documents to CIA representatives. Between lip from Revy (who claimed Rock had the documents to trick them into going back for him: Shenhua had to admire Revy's moxie and gunplay skills, if nothing else) and Leigharch driving while under the influence of drugs (screaming _Star Trek_ and music references as he hallucinated), Shenhua found that experience tiresome, though she did enjoy killing those morons in that terrorist group. But she knew that Leigharch was soon going to be a liability. Though only in the sense that he would end up brain-fried and be shipped off to hospital, probably for the term of his natural life.

In a way, the Protectors of the Islamic Front and the Death Eaters weren't so different, she reflected as she showered. Voldemort was little more than a terrorist trying to cause a _coup d'etat_. They were fanatical believers in a faulty ideology that they used as an excuse to commit atrocities. Some may believe in the ideology, but…well, Shenhua was pretty sure that many of them were just using ideology as an excuse to mask pure xenophobia. A dislike for the unalike. They hated other people for being born different, believing them to be inferior.

Shenhua didn't really follow an ideology, political or religious. At best, she was a Taoist, and that was a pantheistic religion, believing in balance in all things. However, if truth be told, she was actually closer to an atheist. One thing she shared with Revy, even if she didn't share Revy's dark past (something the young woman never really spoke about), was a somewhat nihilistic and materialistic viewpoint. But unlike Revy, who saw it as an excuse to hold herself to no standards, save perhaps her highly-skilled gunplay, Shenhua actually tried to refine herself in every way she could. A fit and sexy body, great dress and make-up, and skills that would seem archaic in this day and age, bringing knives to gunfights…and winning.

This didn't mean she was a snob per se, despite disdaining Revy's mode of dress. After all, she wouldn't have formed a friendship with the Sawyer Twins otherwise. They were at the bottom of the ladder in some regards, as cleaning wasn't the most glamorous position. And despite their sadistic methods of dealing with criminals, Shenhua had to admit, they had a style of their own.

Shenhua's philosophy was deceptively simple-sounding: work hard, play hard, and enjoy life. Okay, her work involved a lot of killing, but somebody had to do it.

After saving Hermione Granger, the three had decided to celebrate Hal's birthday. Shenhua was a little disappointed that they weren't going to stay at a luxury hotel, but were sticking, albeit not without reason, to an abandoned warehouse. That being said, she was considerably less disappointed by the actual accommodation: a magical trunk that the Sawyer Twins had purchased on Roanapur's magical black market before leaving. One that was a largish trunk on the outside, and within, a veritable mansion on the inside. In fact, it was better than their own apartment back home, and Shenhua had asked why they didn't stay in that. She could tell they were seriously considering the idea: a well-made magical trunk was effectively a fortress as well as accommodation.

For Hal's birthday, Shenhua had discussed something with Rica. The younger woman had been a little reluctant at first, before she seemed to accede to the idea. She was warned not to tell Hal over their mental link, though. In fact, they had a number of presents from well-wishers, given to them before they came over, including ones from Chang and Balalaika, as well as Dutch.

Rica was also working on engraving special translation charms into Shenhua's earrings, so that she could speak Hokkien, and everyone else would hear it as normal English. Shenhua had made a facetious remark about it being the wrong birthday.

They had also brought along the chick that was formerly Fawkes. The Phoenix had been a bit obstreperous over his treatment, and understandably so. After all, Rica had bisected him with a chainsaw. They were just keeping him around until they could send him back to Dumbledore with a minimum of interference.

It was just as well they were out of Roanapur for the time being. The Sawyer Twins had told Chang and Balalaika about Verrocchio's kiddy assassins. Verrocchio had been pulled into a meeting, shown the weapons of Hansel and Gretel, along with photos of their corpses (prior to their decapitation), and told in no uncertain terms to stop rocking the boat. Whether Verrocchio would keep his promise in that regard was another matter. But they had the feeling that a brief but violent gang war would erupt before long, and the Italians would need a new leader in Roanapur. The Sawyers even warned Dutch to find as many jobs that took the Lagoon Company out of Roanapur as he could. Indeed, Balalaika did just that, providing some small-scale jobs that would keep them out of Roanapur more often than not.

Dealing with Hansel and Gretel had put a pall over the Sawyers' attitude. Which was understandable. Shenhua was glad she didn't get to see what lurked in the memories of the Romanian twin assassins. If it was enough to make the Sawyers vomit, then she didn't want anything to do with it. Even hearing the edited highlights from the Sawyers was bad enough. Shenhua held no illusions about the depravities some people would sink to, but it still filled her with disgust and horror. Not shock, but disgust and horror.

Still, they had managed to recover somewhat before they left for Britain. And here they were, celebrating Hal's 20th birthday. And what a way to start off, with killing off a bunch of Death Eaters who were threatening Hermione Granger. Okay, that was serendipity more than anything else, but still, it worked out.

Through Chang's contacts, they had found out various places which were considered to be bases for the Death Eaters. Supposedly, Charles' blood was used to create a new body for Voldemort at Little Hangleton, and through Voldemort's memories, Hal knew that Voldemort's family came from there, so that was another potential base.

Through Voldemort's memories, those that Hal had gained when James and Sirius almost killed them, Hal also knew that Voldemort had created Horcruxes, and what they were. Hal decided that they would leave lists of the Horcruxes and their locations to both Dumbledore and the local DMLE once they were done. If they couldn't fix up the matter themselves, then they deserved Voldemort turning up again like the proverbial bad penny.

Of course, Voldemort was not the grand finale. James Potter and Sirius Black were. Perhaps the only benefit of seeing into the sick and sordid memories of Hansel and Gretel was learning of the Romanian twins' inventive torture techniques, and there were more than a few Hal and Rica intended to try out on their former guardians.

Sometime tomorrow, they intended to head to Gringotts, see whether they had any resources at their disposal. While they weren't exactly hurting for cash back home, they could always do with a little extra. But for now, they were celebrating both Hal's birthday, and the beginning of their little British hunting expedition. A simple reminder of humanity for a trio of people who were always in danger of forgetting it…

* * *

It was a party for three, but it was wild enough with Shenhua. Plus, the various presents that Hal had been sent were interesting. Chang and Balalaika had sent some rare magic tomes they had managed to obtain. Dutch, ever practical, gave them a set of headsets customised by Benny. Two of them could double as electrolarynxes with a special disc like that on Rica's choker pressed to the throat, so that they could communicate with Shenhua if necessary.

The Rip-Off Church had somehow found out (though Hal and Rica suspected that Eda was CIA, and knew a lot more about what on in Roanapur than most), and they sent a small army's worth of grenades. There were frag grenades, white phosphorous, and even stun grenades. Not that they needed them, and they weren't sure they could trust some of the things Eda and Yolanda sent them (a few looked old enough to have been scrounged from the leftovers of the Vietnam War), but it was the thought that counted. Hell, Eda even painted one frag grenade in colours of gold and white, fixed a small cross to it so it resembled a _globus cruciger(_ _1)_ , and put it in a box that she called the 'Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch'. Hal and Rica thought the joke was funny, but they doubted that they should use anything the Rip-Off Church gave them for free…unless they were far, far away from the blast zone.

After a splendid party meal, they retired to have their showers, with Rica promising a special present. He wasn't offended that Shenhua didn't give him any: while they had known each other for a while, it was only recently that Shenhua actually knew them in earnest. And the truth was, Hal and Rica were used to a lack of presents during their birthdays. Just having Shenhua here, helping them out in a battle she didn't need to fight, was enough.

When he went back into the bedroom, he stopped, and stared at the sight before him. Not at the sight of a lingerie-clad Rica lying in bed. That, he had expected.

It was Shenhua in the same bed, in a similar state of dress, that he hadn't expected. Especially as she was kissing Rica.

As he stared in shock, Shenhua looked over, and then giggled. "I called it, Rica. I knew he'd be surprised."

Hal scrabbled for his electrolarynx, which he had left on a desk, and then pressed it to his throat. " _Shenhua…I…what…? Huh?_ "

Rica rolled her eyes, before she intoned, through her electrolarynx choker, " _So did I, Shenhua. That was a sucker bet. It's okay, Hal. She suggested this, as part of your present. And Shenhua is the only person I would consider sharing with you. Though if she hadn't discussed this with me in advance, I may have taken my chainsaw to her anyway._ "

Shenhua nodded. "You guys have known each other for longer, but, well…I want in as well. I mean for a time. Unless I find someone else, anyway. Rica was telling me how good you were in bed." She looked at his pyjama pants, and smirked at the bulge. "Judging by the size of that, I don't think I'm going to complain. Plus, I'm testing out this translation charm Rica put on my earrings. I'm sick of sounding like the hooker from _Full Metal Jacket_."

" _We prefer_ The Shining _and_ Dr Strangelove _as far as Kubrick films are concerned_ ," Rica said. " _And_ A Clockwork Orange, _as much as Kubrick changed things_." She then gave Hal a sultry smile. " _So, we've had our fill of ultraviolence for the day…how about some lubbilubbing this nochy? I want you to make us creech so loud, we're deaf for days._ "

" _Govoreeting some filthy slovos, my dear devotchka Rica?_ " Hal said with an eager grin.

Shenhua blinked. "Huh? What were you speaking then?"

Hal and Rica looked at each other. _We are SO sitting her down in front of_ A Clockwork Orange _when we have some free time_ , Hal sent via their mental link.

 _Well, enough business. Time for the pleasure_ …

* * *

In 12 Grimmauld Place, Sirius Black stopped eating his dinner, and glared at the ceiling. Somewhere, somehow, he knew someone was having a threesome with two beautiful women, and it wasn't him. If it was Harry and those bitches of his, he was going to make them pay. Oh yes, he'd make them pay…

 **CHAPTER 10 ANNOTATIONS:**

 **So, there you have it. Hal's had his birthday and a very lovely set of presents, including a threesome involving two of the most lethal women in Roanapur, if not the world. The whole thing about Hal and Rica conversing in Nadsat (for those not in the know, it's a teenage slang from the dystopian world of** ** _A Clockwork Orange_** **, many of the words derived from Russian words) came about more or less by accident. They've read the book as well as watched the film (ditto** ** _The Shining_** **), so they know a bit more Nadsat than was used in the film.**

 **Plus, the little scene at the end with Sirius, I just thought would be a funny coda to the chapter.**

 **Review-answering time!** **Guest** **: Yeah, I can see Fawkes getting laughed at for a while.**

 **Chi Vayne** **: Fair enough, but it's being taken to another level.**

 **1\. A** ** _globus cruciger_** **is a jewelled orb with a cross on top. It's usually part of royal regalia, so you'd know it if you looked it up on Wikipedia. It also is what the Holy Hand Grenade from** ** _Monty Python and the Holy Grail_** **is meant to resemble.**


	12. Chapter 11: Of Gold and Toads

**CHAPTER 11:**

 **OF GOLD AND TOADS**

There was a little-known fact, or at least one not fully acknowledged by wizards, and particularly those of Britain, about the Goblins of Gringotts. Goblins hated humans. Not that they'd want them dead, but rather, they viewed wizards with the same contempt, admittedly, as wizards tended to view them, especially the Blood Purists.

To gain respect from a Goblin, a mixture of both politeness and strength of will had to be shown. Either that, or one had to have a devious and shrewd mind when it came to finances, or else be a good artisan.

Unfortunately, most wizards either viewed the Goblins as mere functionaries, or else with contempt for not being human. They forgot, or at least overlooked, the fact that the Goblins controlled the finances of Magical Britain, and indeed, the world over, for Goblins were considered the main bankers of the wizarding world. And they forgot a good rule of thumb: try not to piss off the very people handling your money.

The Sawyers and Shenhua, after a very long and tiring, but very pleasurable, night, had come to Gringotts later the next morning. There was an unofficial entrance, used for more covert dealings, one Rica had learned of through Sirius. Entering that, the three from Roanapur were soon escorted to the office of a deceptively mild-mannered Goblin by the name of Bogrod.

Administering heritage tests to them, the wizened Goblin watched as the mixtures of potions and their blood (Shenhua had to be calmed down when she saw the knife come out) swirled and purled, before they stabilised. An enchanted quill, connected to the mixture, began writing out family trees. Bogrod nodded in satisfaction. "Well now, this seems interesting. You, Mr Sawyer, have, frankly, little. The Lupin vault was seized by James Potter after your biological father's death. He used a clause Lupin had written into his contract with us to take the money. Admittedly, it wasn't much. The same goes for the vault Lily Potter had. James Potter merged it with his own. And James Potter disowned you in any case. However, you, Miss Sawyer, are another matter."

" _Am I?_ " Rica asked.

"Yes. The Lestrange vault remains active, and with your father and uncle killed during the skirmish within the Department of Mysteries earlier this year, and your mother now declared dead, apparently at your own hands, ownership of the vault passes to you. That being said, the Ministry, and especially Potter and Sirius Black, are attempting to confiscate it."

" _Bogrod, what is Gringotts' policy on dark objects within vaults?_ " Hal asked.

Bogrod frowned. "It depends on the object and the enchantments. Vault owners are supposed to declare if an object has dark enchantments or curses. As long as it is not lethal to anyone who touches it or is in the vicinity, it is generally acceptable, with some exceptions here and there. Why do you ask?"

" _We believe that a Horcrux created by Voldemort was left in the Lestrange vault_ ," Rica said.

Bogrod looked at them, before he said, "A Horcrux? That is a rather serious matter. Our cursebreakers have had encounters with them in the past, unfortunately. Most troublesome. How did you find out?"

" _Legilimency on my mother_ ," Rica said. It wasn't the truth, but it was plausible. " _The Horcrux is the Cup of Helga Hufflepuff._ "

"One of the Founder's Relics too?" Bogrod asked, astonished. "That won't do. At the very least, the claim that a Horcrux is in the vault should allow us to stymie the Ministry. We do not have to say why, we just can say that we are clearing the vault of dark artifacts. In any case, the vault now belongs to you, and we'll ensure that Potter and Black do not get their hands on it. If they persist, they will have cause to regret that."

"I'm sure they will," Shenhua said with a grin. She was enjoying being able to speak her native Hokkien, and be understood in coherent English. "We intend to make them regret stirring up the hornets' nest."

"Roanapur is indeed a place where one should not stir up trouble needlessly," Bogrod agreed. "In any case, through the Lestrange vault, you have substantial finances, partly from the dowry given to them by the Blacks, but the Lestranges, for all their lack of mental health, were at least prudent with their monies. In Muggle terms, there is more than enough to live a comfortable middle-class lifestyle for the rest of your lives, even without further income."

" _Can we access that money via our own bank in Roanapur?_ " Rica asked.

"But of course, as long as they recognise most money transfer techniques. There will be something of a fee for transfer, as well as conversion fees from Galleons to the currency of your choice…in fact, while Roanapur is in Thailand, I believe the American dollar is preferred to the Thai baht there. In any case, we can certainly negotiate. Especially as you have made it clear that you intend to target the Death Eaters, as well as James Potter and Sirius Black." At this, the originally mild-mannered Goblin grinned, showing off his sharp teeth. "While we have little love lost for the foolish wizards in this country, we absolutely detest Voldemort and his pack of inbred curs. More than once, Voldemort and Dumbledore have tried to court our favour. We refused. And while Dumbledore seems content to win us over with appeals and favours, Voldemort has resorted to base threats. Gringotts, technically, remains neutral. Only finance matters. But…we won't be averse to helping you along quietly. Any Death Eaters who die without issue or intestate, their vaults default to us, despite what Fudge wanted. We won't say no to giving a small but significant share. And as for the vaults of James Potter and Sirius Black…well, if they die without heirs…I'm sure you can make a claim, especially as, oddly enough, neither of them have a valid will in place."

Rica and Hal looked at each other, sharing their thoughts, before Hal said, " _We are doing this for our sake more than for any financial reasons. But we will not say no to any financial incentive_."

"Capital," Bogrod said.

* * *

"Can we trust them?" Shenhua asked as they walked out of Gringotts. The unofficial entrance still led into Diagon Alley, or more precisely, into Knockturn Alley.

" _Goblins are greedy, misanthropic, and they have odd views of ownership_ ," Hal said. " _They detest thieves with a passion, well, those who steal from them. Thieves who steal from others, well, if the Goblins make a profit, they don't care. They also don't care about wizards killing each other, as long as the Goblins come out ahead. But we can trust them not to stab us in the backs here._ "

"So, where to next, then?"

" _The owl post office_ ," Rica said. " _We're sending Fawkes back to Dumbledore. First class post_."

"Where's his box then? In that bag?"

" _Yes. It's a bit uncomfortable, but he can deal with it. We'll also do a bit of shopping while we're at it._ "

* * *

They managed to get quite some shopping done before the inevitable happened. It was either going to be Death Eaters, Aurors, some crony of their former guardians, or else some Ministry stooge. It was at Flourish and Blotts that it did happen. And their first warning was someone clearing their throat rather pointedly.

" _Hem, hem._ "

Hal, Rica, and Shenhua all turned to face a squad of Aurors, most of whom looked like they wanted to be anywhere but here. Clearly, word had spread of their exploits. But standing at their head, their posture screaming arrogance, was a most extraordinary figure.

It was dressed in an eye-searing fuchsia cardigan. It had the appearance of a toad transfigured into something human, and vaguely female, squat and more than a little ugly, with the most saccharine smile on her face that did nothing to disguise the venom behind it. The immediate shared thought of the three of them (even Shenhua, who didn't have a mental link with the Sawyer Twins) was ' _kill it with fire_ '. And thanks to Legilimency of the Death Eaters they had killed, they also knew who this was. Dolores Umbridge. Former Senior Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic. Former Hogwarts High Inquisitor. All-round nasty piece of shit. And a grotesquely poor excuse for a human being.

"You know, I have some throat lozenges in my jacket," Shenhua remarked.

"Excuse me," Umbridge said in a sickeningly-sweet tone, "but a Muggle has no right to speak to me like that. Especially one who dresses as a…scarlet woman."

" _Better a scarlet woman than a fuchsia toad_ ," Rica snarked.

Umbridge lost any semblance of sweetness at that. She said, "By the authority invested in me by Minister of Magic Rufus Scrimgeour, I, Dolores Umbridge, am placing you under arrest for the murder of many of our citizens, as well as threatening to murder Lord James Potter and Lord Sirius Black."

" _I thought you would have hated them_ ," Hal retorted.

Umbridge shrugged. In fact, the Sawyer Twins could hear her thoughts being broadcast with the merest use of Legilimency. _You have a point, but I detest halfbreed werewolf trash even more, as well as any slut who spreads her legs for them_. Out loud, Umbridge said, "Don't resist. Or actually, please do. It'll be so much better to have you die resisting arrest."

Hal sighed, before he looked at the Aurors. " _Let's be honest: no amount of danger money will cover what you're about to face._ " He then used a wandless Banishing Charm to send them flying out the door and windows.

As they left the store, Umbridge tried to get to her feet, only for Rica to meet her eyes and use Legilimency on the toad in human form. What she saw there was sickening. Her eyes met Hal's, and an understanding passed between them in an instant. Hal then held out his hand, lifting Umbridge into the air. Umbridge screamed, "No! LET ME DOWN! I AM AN OFFICIAL OF THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC, AND I ORDER YOU TO…!"

Whatever she had to say next was drowned by the sound of Rica revving up her chainsaw. The bestial howl of the tool filled Diagon Alley, and with a silent snarl, she swung the chainsaw into Umbridge, cutting her legs off at the knees. As blood gushed out, and Umbridge screeched in pain, Sawyer then swung it into the odious woman's side, causing her hips and what remained of her legs to hit the ground, followed swiftly by what was left of her gastrointestinal tract, which hit the ground in great, pinkish-grey ropey sausages with a wet slap.

Umbridge was already dying from sheer shock, so the overhead swing that bisected what was left of her, cutting through her skull and torso in a gory spray of blood, bone, and brain matter, was little more than a coup de grace.

Many of the Aurors present, as well as the passers-by, promptly lost their lunches as her remains hit the ground. After all, it was one thing to see a living person hit by the Killing Curse and drop dead. It was wholly another to see them get butchered in front of them, especially by a Muggle tool that few of them, if any, had seen.

After a moment, Hal, Rica and Sawyer went back inside, got their books, paid for them, and then Apparated before the Aurors could get their shit back together. Let someone else do the cleaning for once.

* * *

"Do you think that was a good idea?" Shenhua asked when they got back to their base. "You just killed that woman in broad daylight. Not that I'm complaining, I wanted to slice her up on general principle. But this will only get us more attention from the authorities here, and I don't think it'll be as easy to pay them off like in Roanapur."

" _She was also the most hated employee in the Ministry of Magic_ ," Rica said. " _What I saw in her mind was disgusting. She enjoys torturing people. That being said, we had better accelerate our timetable. I had hoped it would have been Death Eaters who attacked us. We've already told Gringotts about the Horcrux in my mother's vault, and we will leave the locations of Voldemorts' with Dumbledore and the DMLE before we leave. So, we should really take the fight to the enemy._ "

"Well, no use crying over spilled milk," Shenhua said with a shrug. "So, who do we hit?"

Hal pointed to a map on the table, showing part of Wiltshire. " _The most likely place for Voldemort to hold court, to have a base. Malfoy Manor._ "

 **CHAPTER 11 ANNOTATIONS:**

 **So, yeah. The Umbitch has had intimate relations with a chainsaw, and Hal and Rica are getting finances. You know, now that I come to think of it, while I have done a few humiliating and/or grotesque fates for Umbridge in other fics, this is probably the most graphic. Still deserves it, though.**

 **Characterising Bogrod was actually quite interesting. I wanted a Goblin who acted somewhat differently to most, and after seeing a picture of Bogrod on the wiki, well, I had this odd notion of making him this vaguely demure and mild-mannered person who nonetheless is still a warrior. I view this Bogrod as very much a diplomatic Goblin, albeit one with as vicious a streak as any of them.**

 **Review-answering time!** **Leicontis** **: I wouldn't be surprised one bit if JK Rowling used Hyacinth Bucket as the basis for Petunia.**

 **Treant Balewood** **: No, the Fiendfyre unleashed damaged but didn't destroy the house, and what was destroyed was rebuilt.**

 **The-Noble-Slytherin** **: I believe whitetigerwolf has a number of challenges to that effect.**

 **No numbered annotations this time.**


	13. Chapter 12: Voldemort's Fall

**CHAPTER 12:**

 **VOLDEMORT'S FALL**

The problem was with wizards, Hal reflected, was that they tended not to think of mundane solutions to conundrums. Whether this was by simple logic, or by lateral thinking, they just sat back and used magic. Which was why they were going to assault Malfoy Manor in a somewhat more mundane way.

They had transfigured a few boxes of grenades that the Rip-Off Church had sent them into a few rather large birds. Very tricky form of transfiguration, but something that would work for as long as they needed to. Of course, once they crossed the anti-transfiguration wards, they would immediately revert back into the boxes. And thanks to some very tricky runes work, once they hit something…well, first a few concussive grenades would explode, scattering white phosphorous grenades…each now enchanted to convert the inevitable conflagration partially into Fiendfyre.

They sent off their birds, having them fly over the wards, before diving directly down. Right on cue, the birds suddenly changed back into boxes. On impact, they exploded, sending WP grenades everywhere…only for them to explode into uncontrollable enchanted flames.

It was a shame, Hal thought to himself, as the diabolical flames began consuming the manor. Malfoy Manor actually looked like a grand manor, worthy of preservation. Unfortunately, it had a rather nasty infestation of pests.

He and Rica had been twisted out of shape by what had been done to them. The Fiendfyre that had nearly killed them when they had escaped from Potter and Black all those years ago should have instilled a fear of fire in them. Instead, the two actually thought fire to be magnificent. It was primal, and hard to tame. And Fiendfyre, while it could be directed or extinguished, could NEVER be tamed.

A shame Fiendfyre was too quick an end for the Death Eaters. Hal and Rica wanted them to suffer more.

Shenhua watched the burning manor with something akin to religious awe. "Wow," she whispered quietly, the flames dancing in her eyes. "I'd ask why you didn't use something like that before, but…well, fire does get out of control. You'd have to be a maniac to like doing that."

* * *

In the US, a man called Claude Weaver, aka 'the Torch', sneezed as he set some of his screaming victims on fire with his flamethrower. "Well, shucks," he muttered, wiping his nose with a handkerchief. "Is someone talking about me?"

* * *

" _There's something satisfying about burning warlocks_ ," Rica said with a vicious grin. " _Plus, this is about flushing them out._ "

And there they were, the Death Eaters storming out of Malfoy Manor, their leader at their head, ranting and raving, giving orders to try and extinguish the cursed flames now razing the manor to the ground. Judging by the people who were convulsing on the ground when he pointed his wand at them, Voldemort was handing out Crucios like candy at Halloween.

Hal kicked himself for not trying to get some sort of sniper rifle, like the Dragunov rifle Balalaika got her _nom de guerre_ from. Even if Voldemort was canny enough to protect himself from bullets, Hal doubted that the Death Eaters had the same protection. So, instead, he and Rica began banishing the grenades they had gotten from the Rip-Off Church at the Death Eaters, using the white phosphorous ones, albeit not charmed to become Fiendfyre instead.

That in itself was nasty enough, though. White phosphorous not only burned with great heat, but it tended to stick to the skin, causing deeper burns, and even if the victims survived the burns, the white phosphorous could still poison them. They were certainly one of the most controversial weapons in the world for many reasons.

Not that the two currently banishing grenades at the Death Eaters cared about such things. This was really a form of getting a threat out of the way, and punishing the Death Eaters for their hubris. Fire was a means of primal purgation, of burning away evil. That, and to the sadistic Sawyer Twins, it was a lot of fun.

Some of the panicking Death Eaters managed to extinguish the flames with magic. Voldemort, covered in burns, looked down at the charred corpse of his snake familiar, and a scream of utter fury echoed. Then, he disappeared with a crack, only to reappear behind them…and got nailed in the groin with a knife by a quick-thinking Shenhua. "Surprise, bitch," Shenhua spat.

It was sheer luck and Shenhua's reflexes that they got this golden opportunity. Hal, Rica, and Shenhua grabbed onto the screaming Voldemort, but not before banishing the last crate of grenades at the Death Eaters, and then sending another spell at it. Glued to the top of the crate was the one that Eda had painted to look like the Holy Hand Grenade. Which they had charmed to emit singing…namely 'HALLELLUJAH!' And then exploding, setting off any other grenades nearby. Once the right spell had been cast.

As they vanished with a whipcrack of Apparition, the crate reached its zenith, sang its benediction, before exploding, showering the Death Eaters with shrapnel, turning most of them into metal-filled mince. The survivors were left for the Aurors to deal with…and explain why they were gathered at Malfoy Manor with a few Azkaban escapees…

* * *

It was later. Voldemort had been knocked out shortly after they arrived. Hal could not believe that they had managed to do this. Neither could Rica. And yet, they had managed to bind Lord Voldemort, aka Tom Marvolo Riddle. It was sheer luck that they had managed to capture him.

That being said, they made sure to drug him up as much as they could, even if he was going to be awake during their ministrations. They didn't want him able to use any magic to get away. After that, they strapped him down to a bench that they had set up in a special room in the trunk. Then, they donned their scrubs, and got their equipment.

So it was that Voldemort awoke to finding a pair of figures in surgical scrubs, looked down at him. "You…" he slurred. "What magic…is this?"

Hal got his electrolarynx, and intoned, " _It's no magic. Just drugs._ "

Voldemort's eyes narrowed as he focused, albeit with considerable difficulty, on his two enemies. "…The Sawyer Twins, I presume?"

Hal and Rica just nodded, staring coldly down at their nemesis.

"You dare to capture me? You dare to try and destroy me? I am Lord Voldemort! And I am immortal! Even if you destroy this body, I will come back again! And then, I will come for you."

Hal tapped the side of his head. " _We know where your Horcruxes are. We'll be dealing with them after you. Don't bother trying to beg for mercy, Tom Marvolo Riddle. We have about as much as you do. Instead, scream. Scream for mercy, scream in anger, or scream in pain. We don't care which. But you murdered my mother, you twisted Rica's mother into a monster, and thanks partly to you, we are monsters ourselves._ "

" _In other words, you brought this upon yourself_ ," Rica added. " _Take some comfort in knowing that, once we're done with you, we'll be sending James Potter and Sirius Black to Hell to keep you company._ "

" _Incidentally…how did it feel to get a knife in the groin from a mere Muggle?_ " Hal asked with a vicious grin. " _Shenhua is worth more than any of those inbred scumbags you have for an army. Now, she's not taking part in this little game, but rest assured, she's thinking of you._ "

As Voldemort raged and ranted impotently, Rica said, " _And our game is…How Long You Can Last While We Cut You Up. Time to play…_ "

* * *

It was long. It was loud. It was painful. It was bloody. It was messy. The Sawyers took their time with him. And why wouldn't they? While not the sole author of their misery, Voldemort certainly was a significant collaborator in that work. He had twisted Rica's mother into something hideous, even more so than she was already. He had targeted Hal and his family for death, murdering his mother, and setting off the chain of events that led to Harry Potter turning into Hal Sawyer, and Hydra Lestrange into Frederica Sawyer.

The torture session (for that was what it was) was not just out of retribution or fulfilling a sadistic need, even if those did play a role. There was a catharsis here. Of Hal and Rica working off their frustrations and being able to evacuate some pus from the psychological wounds they carried.

Voldemort cursed. He plead. He whimpered. He roared. He screamed. He wanted his torment to end, preferably on his terms (which would be the Sawyer Twins dead at his feet, judging by his lurid threats whenever his rage overcame his fear). But it would only end on the terms of the Sawyer Twins. And they ensured that his end was prolonged and gory.

By the time Shenhua was allowed back in, once things got quiet enough, all that was left of Voldemort was a hollowed-out carcase, halved like a steer butchered for meat, and a bucket filled with foul-smelling offal. Oh, and his head, the grotesque ophidian face twisted into a grimace of agony for all eternity. It took Shenhua a moment to realise that the Sawyer Twins had removed Voldemort's penis and shoved it into his mouth.

"…Wow," Shenhua said. "You two got _creative_. Can I take a picture to show Chang, Balalaika, and Twinkie?"

"… _If you want_ ," Rica said.

Shenhua grinned, and went out, only to come back a few minutes later with a camera, which she pointed at the Sawyers, and the head of Voldemort. "How do you say it in English again? Say cheese."

Rica and Hal merely rasped the word without their electrolarynxes, their smiles looking ghastly, helped by their surgical scrubs covered in blood and gore. Voldemort couldn't say anything, but that was not unreasonable given his current state. But it was actually a very lovely, if extremely macabre, souvenir to take home to Roanapur…

* * *

It should have been a cause for celebration for the Light. Malfoy Manor had been attacked and razed to the ground. It was an open secret that it was effectively the new base for the Death Eaters, or at least strongly suspected, and only things like 'due process' held them back. But someone had bypassed all that, and most of the Death Eaters there were dead, burned alive or shredded by shrapnel from Muggle weapons. If Roberta, once Rosarita Tisneros, the Bloodhound of Florencia, had any appreciation for acts of wanton destruction since leaving FARC, then she would have been proud of what had been wrought.

But it wasn't. Not for some. Because they knew that time was running out for two particular people.

Dumbledore stared at the list he had been sent, along with an infant Fawkes. The destruction at Malfoy Manor was excessive. It was insane. And it had been done by those two insane people and, if witnesses to Umbridge's murder was any indication, that Taiwanese woman. They were cutting a bloody swathe through Britain, and Dumbledore knew it wouldn't end until James Potter and Sirius Black were dead.

But those taking revenge didn't seem to care about the chaos they left in their wake. They didn't care that to pay evil to evil would have repercussions.

But maybe they couldn't. Maybe what James and Sirius had done to them, plus their upbringing in Roanapur, had warped them into monsters. It was miraculous enough that they had given him the locations of the remaining Horcruxes…but he needed them to cease their crusade. They were ill. He would take them to St Mungo's. And he knew where he could ensure he could capture them to take them there.

James Potter and Sirius Black knew that their time was coming. They showed no fear, even if, inwardly, they felt it. But they were determined to not go down without a fight. They knew that Hal and Rica wanted to make them suffer, to prolong their demises…and that meant they had to come to them. So, they waited at 12 Grimmauld Place, knowing that this would be the end, one way or another. But they intended to ensure that it would be Hal and Rica who met their ends…

 **CHAPTER 12 ANNOTATIONS:**

 **Wow, it's been a while since I've updated this. It was because inspiration was somewhat lacking, and I needed to figure out what to do. I've decided not to draw things out for much longer. Chapter 14 will probably be the last chapter, with the next chapter being the confrontation between the Sawyers and the ones who tried to kill them…with Dumbledore messing things up as well…**

 **Review-answering time!** **coduss** **: You have a good point, but they needed to get it done nice and quick under the circumstances, and barbed-wire tentacle molesting would take a lot of time to set up.**

 **No numbered annotations this time.**


	14. Chapter 13: Denouement

**CHAPTER 13:**

 **DENOUEMENT**

"But don't you see, James? We need to capture them. They're sick, they need treatment."

James Potter rolled his eyes. He was getting sick and tired of Dumbledore preaching at them in the living room at 12 Grimmauld Place. He'd been doing so for hours now, since word of the attack on Malfoy Manor got out. "Tell me, Dumbledore, what do you do with mad dogs? _You kill them_. These two are little more than mad dogs. About the only good thing they've done is dealing with the Death Eaters, and frankly, all that's going to get them is a quicker death than I originally intended. They threatened my death. Killing them is self-defence, not to mention common sense. You let those damned Death Eaters go with claims of mercy, and look where that got us. You're old, tired, and frankly, senile, you geriatric goat."

Dumbledore's expression became thunderous. "Old I may be, and tired as well…but I intend to choose my successor very carefully. I know for a fact that neither you nor Sirius will be that person. Disturbing developments have come to light about the pair of you. Like the redirection spell you placed on Miss Granger's phone lines, for example. Or the Horcruxes you attempted to create with the deaths of Harry and Hydra." On their shocked looks, Dumbledore nodded grimly. "So, their allegations were true…I wished it weren't, but now everything makes a lot more sense. Your looks, your worsening attitude to everything…you have started down a dark path."

"Oh, don't get started, you sanctimonious hypocrite!" Sirius Black sneered. "You're the one who was sucking Grindlewald's cock and spitting out his crap about the Greater Good! We are the future of Magical Britain, not you!"

"I see. You are beyond all reason," Dumbledore said. "Then I shall have to detain you and bring you to Amelia, where you will await justice for your crimes. And I will seek penance for my mistakes. I have given you too long a leash, it seems, when in truth, I should have kept you muzzled."

James and Sirius grinned viciously, getting their wands out as Dumbledore did the same. "That's the thing, you old wether," James said. "We do what we want. The Potters and the Blacks are Magical Britain. Not the Malfoys or Bones or Riddles…or Dumbledores."

"Do you think you can beat me?" Dumbledore said. "I have forgotten more about magic than you two will ever learn between the pair of you."

"We're young and we have nothing left to lose," Sirius said, all reason gone from his eyes. "Plus, when those monsters get here, they'll be a handy scapegoat. You were tragically killed when they came here to murder us…"

Before the three of them could do anything, however, they heard, distantly, the roar of a chainsaw being revved up. Then, the front door was cut into, before they heard the distinctive buzzing monotone of Frederica Sawyer announce, " _HEEEERE'S JOHNNY!_ " And that's when those present knew that, one way or another, the denouement had come…

* * *

There was no time for stealth. The wards prevented Apparition into the property, and the Floo was closed. So the direct approach was needed. Hence using the chainsaw. They hadn't warded the door against more mundane attack.

Hal and Rica had anticipated this moment for a long time. They had intended to take their revenge sooner or later. The Death Eaters attacking and their former guardians putting prices on their heads only gave them the incentive to do so. Shenhua came along because she was their friend.

The Sawyer Twins were not normal people, nor were they nice people. They were monsters, pure and simple, twisted out of shape by circumstances. They had killed the Death Eaters not because it was making the world a better place, though that was a nice side effect. They were killing the Death Eaters because it was removing a threat to them…and because they enjoyed it. They were sadistic monsters, but they wouldn't go out of their way to kill someone not delivered to them…unless they were provoked.

And now, their final target lay waiting. After cutting the hole in the door, though, they didn't barge in straight away. Instead, they took one of the last presents they had from the Rip-Off Church. They didn't get rid of all the grenades. A couple of them were tear gas grenades…and Hal and Rica cast Bubble-Head Charms on themselves and Shenhua. They moved in…and then, they heard Black yell, "Come get some, you monsters!" A door blew open, but nobody went through.

Instead, Hal and Rica pulled the pin on the tear gas grenades, and threw them in after letting them 'cook' for a moment. Instantly, there was coughing and spluttering. Hal barged in, only to be slammed into the wall by a Stunner…cast by Dumbledore, an outline around his head in the cloud of tear gas showing that he had used a Bubble-Head Charm himself.

"No more!" Dumbledore roared, as he sent an Expelliarmus at Rica, sending her and her chainsaw flying. "There will be no more deaths today! I forbid it! You two are sick, and I will cure you!"

His rather impressive, if self-righteous and moralistic tirade was cut off when Shenhua, having spotted the Bubble-Head Charm over Dumbledore's head, threw one of her _feidao_ knives. She had been told of the weakness of the Bubble-Head Charm, that it could easily be ruptured. Dumbledore turned to Shenhua, and gave her a look of pity. "You missed, my dear girl."

"I don't miss, Gandalf," she sneered. "Having trouble breathing?"

Dumbledore's eyes widened, as he doubled over, coughing. He swiftly reapplied the Bubble-Head Charm, but the delay cost him. Shenhua, however, wasn't the one who took advantage of it. A Stunner slammed into his back, causing him to somersault into a wall, where he slid down, upside down. And Potter and Black came through, having Bubble-Head Charms of their own.

Immediately, she threw her _feidao_ knives, sending four at them. The first two were sent at their hands, the other two at their heads, intending to burst the Bubble-Head Charms. Potter had gotten hit by the knives sent his way, losing his wand and having his nose grazed by the knives, but Black had dodged the others, and sent a Cutting Curse her way. She tried to dodge, but it hit her in the guts, and with a snarl of pain, she collapsed. It probably felt like getting shot in the guts would, and she wasn't a fan.

Black immediately turned back to Potter, and re-cast the Bubble-Head Charm, only to be swept off his feet by Rica, who had recovered. She got to her own feet and kicked him in the head, knocking him out, only for Potter to grab her by the throat and slam her against the wall. "You crazy bitch! Like mother, like daughter!" he roared.

Rica was being choked, but she was far from helpless, kicking out hard into his groin. However, that only caused Potter to increase the pressure. "I'm going to make him watch as I take you both," he snarled. "You and the Chinese whore."

Shenhua laughed in pain as she struggled to stand, pushing herself up against the wood-panelled wall, and leaving a smear of blood as she did so. "I'm Taiwanese, you stupid Limey." She threw a knife at him, which he dodged, and bringing Rica in front of him as a human shield, though the mute girl promptly elbowed him hard in the stomach. She then twisted in his loosened grip as he gagged and retched, before bearing her quarry down to the floor with a silent scream of fury, throttling the very man who had tried to throttle her.

Potter gagged and thrashed for a moment, before he managed to kick out, sending Rica flying off him, and as he got to his feet, he sent an Expelliarmus at Shenhua, sending her knives flying everywhere, along with her. Potter then strode over to Rica, and stomped down onto her chest, hard. She screamed silently in pain, though the crack of what had to be a few ribs was certainly audible. "Yes…make him watch as I fuck you both…and then, I'll slit your throats when I'm done, make another Horcrux, make him watch as your blood runs…"

Suddenly, he stiffened, convulsing as actinic worms of electrical discharge crawled over his body. He collapsed, his bowels loosening as they did so, to reveal Hal propped against the wall, Mjolnir in hand. He didn't have his electrolarynx in hand, so he settled for rasping out in the loudest whisper he could, " _You talk too much._ "

With that, he cast strong sleeping spells on the three wizards present, before whispering into Rica's ear, " _Can you heal yourself?_ "

Rica nodded, knowing Shenhua needed help more urgently. Grimacing as she held her hand to her ribs, healing them, she watched as Hal went over to Shenhua, and began healing her stomach wounds. "Uhh," Shenhua groaned in pain as her wounds healed over. Then, as he finished, she looked down at her healed body through the hole in her qipao. "Thanks. But just so you know, I'm sending you the bill for this dress. These things are expensive, you know."

The joke caused the Sawyer Twins to laugh, Rica a little more painfully than Hal, due to her healing ribs. Then, Hal went over to first Potter, then Black. He opened their eyes and used Legilimency on them. He nodded grimly, before he fished his electrolarynx out and said, " _Their Horcruxes are here in this house_..."

* * *

"They made two Horcruxes each?" Shenhua asked.

Rica and Hal nodded. They were back in their hideout, having brought home Potter and Black…along with the Horcruxes. Black had turned his enchanted motorbike into one, while the other was put, rather predictably, onto a very lurid painting of two witches and a wizard having it off in his own bedroom. Potter, on the other hand, had made one of his rings a Horcrux, and the other was a simple pebble, buried under the small garden of 12 Grimmauld Place. At least he tried to keep them separate, living as he did away from 12 Grimmauld Place normally.

Still, they found, thanks to Hal's pilfered memories, another Horcrux, presumably Voldemort's, in the form of a rather gaudy locket. That, they had promptly sent to the Goblins to destroy, leaving a note with Dumbledore. These, however, they were going to destroy themselves.

They had drained the fuel and oil from the motorbike, just in case, using magic to vanish every last drop of petroleum product from it. Then, in the warehouse, they set it alight with Fiendfyre. And now, they were about to do the same to these three last Horcruxes.

Fiendfyre was not something to be taken lightly: the cursed fire was notoriously difficult to control, somewhere between the fires of napalm and the fury of a nuclear blast. But the Sawyer Twins had been born in the flames of Fiendfyre, the fire that ravaged the cellar of 12 Grimmauld Place when Potter and Black's attempt at killing them backfired. They rarely used it, but they knew it.

So, in a specially warded room, with Potter and Black strapped to gurneys that were tilted almost vertically, they prepared to finish this. " _Wake them, Shenhua_ ," rasped Rica.

Shenhua grinned viciously, and began slapping them awake. "Wakey-wakey, hands off snakey…is that what you British say?" Shenhua cheerfully asked. "Wake up, and smell the ashes…"

Potter and Black had just enough time to wake up when they saw the Sawyer Twins unleash Fiendfyre on the three Horcruxes. Judging by their expressions, they thought they had gone into a nightmare that they wanted to wake up from…but they wouldn't. Screams erupted from their throats, of fury and despair, screams echoed by plumes of smoke that escaped from the Horcruxes…their soul fragments. It was a pyroclastic dirge, a funeral pyre for men who weren't dead yet, if only by dint of the fact they were still breathing. But their end was inevitable now.

Soon, all that was left were twisted, blackened remains. Meeting Black's eyes, Hal smirked, and showed the twisted remains of the handlebars from the motorbike, before throwing it onto the ashes. " _Your Horcruxes are gone_ ," he rasped through his electrolarynx. " _You will follow them, sooner than we'd like, but sooner than you thought._ "

"You can't do this to us!" James Potter yelled. "It wasn't meant to be this way! You two should have died! Why couldn't you have just died, and left us to have the life we wanted?!"

" _If you hadn't put a price on our heads_ ," Rica buzzed, " _we may not have bothered coming over here for revenge. But you made a mistake._ "

"Yes…" Black said. "I should have drowned you the moment you were left with me."

"And I should've throttled you in the crib!" Potter said. "Werewolf sons always turn out to be monsters!"

Hal shook his head. " _We were not born monsters. We were made into monsters. By you._ "

" _And it is a truism that monsters turn on their makers_ ," Rica said. " _Yes, we are monsters…but we also kill worse monsters._ "

" _Including you_ …" Hal concluded.

* * *

What followed was nothing short of catharsis. Years of ill-will and bad feelings culminating in an orgy of violence that lasted for hours. For Potter and Black, it felt like an eternity.

For the Sawyer Twins, it felt like mere minutes.

It didn't quite satisfy them. Perhaps nothing they could do to Potter and Black would ever satisfy them. They had over a decade's worth of rancour to vent.

Yes, they were monsters. They would always be monsters now. But here, they had gone after the worst monsters, the ones who thought nothing of killing children for their own power, or for killing others because their blood wasn't pure enough.

In the end, covered in blood and viscera, Hal and Rica looked at each other (Shenhua going to bed, deciding she didn't want to watch this prolonged torture), and they knew they felt empty inside, just like the hollowed out carcasses of Potter and Black. Justice had been served, true, but they didn't feel as happy as they had hoped. Then again, much of the anger, the hatred, that was now gone too.

 _Let's have a shower_ , Hal, Rica sent to him over their link. _Let's just clean up, sleep, and go home. It's over_.

Hal didn't reply, save for a nod. And the two twisted, distorted souls made their way out of the bloodstained chamber. The door shut on this chapter of their lives, hopefully forever…

 **CHAPTER 13 ANNOTATIONS:**

 **So, it's all over bar the shouting. All that's left is the final chapter. It's been something of a ride, but this story is finally over. I may do a short sequel based on the 'Greenback Jane' arc, and maybe a slightly longer one based on the 'Roberta's Blood Trail' arc, but** ** _Disquiet_** **will end with the next chapter. It's about time, I really do need more completed fics under my belt.**

 **Review-answering time!** **Fez8745** **: Malcolm named those units after Professor Bernard Quatermass, a character from a series of science fiction serials from the 50s, and the source of my username. While Quatermass' creator Nigel Kneale hated** ** _Doctor Who_** **(I think it was a major case of sour grapes for the most part, IMO), Quatermass himself may actually exist in the Whoniverse. In** ** _Remembrance of the Daleks_** **, oblique references are made to 'Bernard' and the British Rocket Group, and the British Rocket Group is behind the Mars probe in** ** _The Christmas Invasion_** **.**

 **No numbered annotations this time.**


	15. Chapter 14: No Rest for the Wicked

**CHAPTER 14:**

 **NO REST FOR THE WICKED**

On the TV screen, a morose-looking man with dark hair remarked in a Scottish accent, " _Every great decision creates ripples, like a huge boulder dropped in a lake. The ripples merge and rebound off the banks in unforeseeable ways. The heavier the decision, the larger the waves, the more uncertain the consequences(_ _1)_ _._ "

 _Too right_ , Hal Sawyer thought as he sat next to Rica on the couch. The heat in Roanapur was worse than usual, and they were stripped down to their underpants, as they sometimes did when it was a hot night in Roanapur, and they weren't expecting any business or visitors. Occasionally, they did get them late at night, but usually, arrangements were made more in advance. Only an emergency would need them to be dressed, and while there were plenty of those at times in Roanapur, this night hopefully wouldn't be one of them.

The Doctor's talk reminded Hal of the shitstorm that followed once they fled Magical Britain, though not before leaving the bodies of James Potter and Sirius Black. After the decimation of so many people in Magical Britain, even if most were Death Eaters, there were calls for the Sawyer Twins to be brought to justice. The Thailand Ministry of Magic, however, didn't have an extradition treaty with Magical Britain, and in any case, few from even the British Ministry were willing to venture into Roanapur. Most seemed to just write off any chance of retrieving the Sawyers.

Dumbledore, they heard, had suffered from a breakdown shortly after they left. While he lived, he had to step down as Headmaster of Hogwarts, Professor McGonagall taking on the role instead. However, Dumbledore had spent the next little while destroying the various Horcruxes, dying of a curse on one of them, a ring.

Snape eventually came back to Roanapur. The snide, greasy-haired man didn't linger. Instead, he handed Hal an Invisibility Cloak that his father had owned…as well as Dumbledore's wand. Not to mention a rather large mokeskin bag filled with money from the Goblins. The remnants of the Death Eaters' own moneys. He had finished dealing with the Horcruxes. Voldemort was dead. In gratitude, Hal and Rica gave him some of the money they had gained. They also transferred some to Hermione Granger and the Weasleys, if only because they had been friends with Charles Potter, and they had been targets of Voldemort.

Only one fool from Britain tried to beard them in their dens and arrest them. Well, one official fool. They decided only to humiliate him and send him back. There were a couple of children of Death Eaters who came to avenge their parents and Voldemort…but they were sent back in little pieces. Including someone called Draco Malfoy. Apparently he hadn't been at the manor when they had struck. He'd come for them, claiming he would have his revenge. He didn't last long.

The Sawyers' own revenge had left them empty. Not satisfied like they had hoped at the very least. Maybe content, once all was said and done, true, knowing that James Potter and Sirius Black was dead, along with Voldemort…but not truly satisfied. Not as sated as they had hoped. Revenge may be a dish best served cold, but it also sit rather unpleasantly on the stomach once it was eaten.

Still, the void left behind when they had taken their revenge eventually filled back up again, focused on each other, as well as Shenhua, the third member of their unholy little trinity. On occasion, they invited the Taiwanese assassin over for dinner, and sometimes, to join them in bed. It was wonderful that such a glamorous woman would accept them for what they were, scars and inner demons and all. But they were friends, the best of friends, and lovers.

Lately, Roanapur had been somewhat quiet, at least by its festering standards. This was no accident: Balalaika had taken a trip to Japan, and had brought Rock over, with Revy opting to join them, and they had only just come back a few days ago. From what little they had heard, apparently Balalaika had caused the downfall of two yakuza groups, including the Washimine Group, something which had affected not only Rock, but the normally vicious Revy as well. The two didn't really like to talk about it. Apparently Rock had grown close to the heiress of the Washimine Group…and things had gone sour.

There was also a rising new star in Roanapur, the Florida-based criminal group known as the Neveral Cartel. Well, they had been here for some time, but now, they were looking to expand their influence. Hal and Rica personally thought that they were minnows swimming amongst sharks. They weren't so much as a rising star as Icarus beginning to fly too high in the sky.

Hal and Rica had enough money that, in theory, they could buy themselves a grand mansion almost anywhere in the world. They could even hire a small army, and start up their own criminal gang. But while having the money was nice, even great, it was just an extra resource. Besides, spending it too freely in a place like Roanapur would be enticing sharks with blood.

And if truth be told, they liked what they did, being cleaners. Cleaning up these messes…cleaning up the fools who were delivered to them. They enjoyed doing it, it was what they were good at, and they had a reputation to maintain as boogymen of Roanapur. Oh, they were considering other lines of work, like bounty-hunting. But for now, they were content to continue what they were best at.

Some minutes later, the episode ended on a shot of Ace's face, screwed up in anticipation of the pain from the blasters of the Daleks surrounding her (after beating the crap out of one with a baseball bat(2)), and Hal and Rica decided it was time to go to bed. Hal watched appreciatively as Rica strutted over to the VHS and bent over to stop it and eject the tape, giving him a wonderful view of her derriere. She may be scrawny, but to him, she was utterly beautiful.

He wondered, though, should they ever try for children? Maybe they could put aside the money for that, a time when even the macabre spectacle of Roanapur palled, and they felt they could raise a child, and do so without said child becoming as twisted and monstrous as they were. Then again, that day may never come. Maybe all they wanted was each other, and Shenhua, and the Black Lagoon Company, Chang, Balalaika, Bao, and the other criminals, monsters and malcontents that infested Roanapur.

* * *

They made love again that night, despite the heat and the humidity. Sweat trickled down their bodies and mingled with other fluids as they coupled, again and again. No words were needed, not even spoken through their link. Just this overwhelming need to be with each other, to validate each other's existences, miserable though they were. They were alive, and their enemies were not. That, plus their twisted love, was more than enough cause to celebrate.

Their coupling was quiet, just filled with pants and hisses and sighs (it was Shenhua who made more noise when she came around for a _ménage à trois_ ). They continued until finally, fatigue and post-coital euphoria gently dropped them into the oblivion of sleep. A temporary oblivion, to be sure, but while these two were nihilists, they nonetheless did not believe life had no meaning. Rather, it had only a meaning they themselves could grant it. It was a twisted, broken and distorted meaning, but it was a meaning all the same. So too was their love, grotesque and malformed, but genuine.

The two monsters in scarred human skin slept. Their sleep that night, at least, was free of nightmare, just a pleasantly hazy mist. But even with their revenge sated, nightmares still tended to haunt their minds. Whether that was ghosts from their past haunting them, or just the sheer depth to which their traumas engraved on their minds, nobody knew. But for now, they slept in comfort bliss, close to oblivion…

* * *

The next day, business was quiet, as it had been for the past little while (save for last Tuesday, when Shenhua delivered some idiot who had been defrauding Chang: he came in the same way he went out, in a suitcase, the only difference being the amount of pieces he was in). Which wasn't to say Roanapur was quiet. Apparently the Neveral Cartel had gotten into a shootout with the Rip-Off Church and come off second best, as the Sawyer Twins heard from Revy, who had been present at the time (they had met her on the street around lunch). Apparently she was unhappy with Eda for turning away some counterfeiter working for the Neveral Cartel.

The Neveral Cartel never used their services. In fact, they seemed to think they were better than anyone in the town. That alone was an attitude that was going to get them wiped out before long, by either Chang or Balalaika. The cartel seemed to think that this was basically Florida in Thailand, save for their main representative in Roanapur, Lobos. Apparently one of the bosses had come here recently, according to Chang, to supervise some operation.

Then, they received a phone call. Rica picked it up. " _Yes?_ " she rasped, putting it on speakerphone.

" _This is Lobos from the Neveral Cartel_ ," came a voice. " _Am I speaking to the Sawyer Twins?_ "

" _Yes. What do you want?_ "

" _I know you two are cleaners by trade, but word on the local grapevine is that you wish to break into bounty-hunting_ ," Lobos said. " _I've been told to contact as many bounty-hunters as possible for a job. If you're interested, head to the Yellow Flag. Be there by six. Someone from our organisation will be there to discuss the job. It won't be me, though. In all likelihood, it'll be a man dressed up as a cowboy by the name of Russell. Goodbye._ "

As Lobos hung up, the Sawyer Twins looked at each other. It was true they wanted to break into bounty-hunting, if only because they wanted a little more excitement in their lives. Shenhua had waxed lyrical about her own experiences with the trade. Not that it was glamorous or anything, but there had been exciting times when she had hunted people down when she wasn't working for Chang.

Could this be their big break? Something told the pair of them otherwise, and yet, they were going to go along, if only to see whether this would be any good. Time would tell whether that would disappoint them.

 _Do you think it's related to what happened at the Rip-Off Church earlier?_ Hal asked Rica.

 _It probably is. If it's the counterfeiter they want, they'd better be paying a premium for her. She'd be worth a lot of money to them_ , Rica mused.

* * *

As they made it to the Yellow Flag, and sat down at one of the tables, Shenhua, who was nearby, greeted them, though she didn't use their names. She just said, "Hiya, how are you?" in her broken English. She wasn't wearing the earring today: she told the Sawyer Twins some time before that she sometimes liked speaking in her usual broken English to annoy people and to get them to underestimate her.

As they waited, drinking at the table, Ash's Hand and Mjolnir at the ready, Hal and Rica looked over at the bar, where Revy was drinking and having an argument with Eda from the Rip-Off Church. About what, they didn't know, as the words didn't quite carry, not with the Yellow Flag so crowded. But Hal and Rica were willing to bet, given Eda's presence, that it was due to this debacle they were about to participate in.

 _Look at these guys_ , Hal sent to Rica via his link. _Is this like_ The Empire Strikes Back, _and we're the bounty-hunters waiting to speak with Darth Vader?_

 _Too many cooks spoil the pot_ , Rica scowled. _They can't possibly afford this many, unless they're paying us chump change. This is ridiculous. Apart from Shenhua, these idiots will cramp our style. I think we should use Legilimency on Russell when he comes, to confirm what we suspect_.

Hal nodded inwardly. Then, they'd consider whether it'd be more profitable to rescue the counterfeiter (assuming she was the target) as opposed to retrieving her for the Neveral Cartel.

Eda, apparently tiring of the argument she had with Revy, got off her chair and began walking to the door, an irritated Revy following her. "Hey, before we leave, how about you tell us where we're going?!" the gunfighter snarled.

"I dunno," Eda said in a sing-song voice as she walked by them.

"Hey, Eda! Don't walk away when I'm talking to you, bitch!" Revy snarled, as she and Eda left the Yellow Flag, barging past a man in a cowboy getup. It seemed that Russell had arrived. And, one way or another, tonight's events were going to get interesting, probably in the cursed sense of the word…

 **THE END**

 **CHAPTER 14 ANNOTATIONS:**

 **Yeah, I'm evil, leaving it up in the air like that. It was always my intention to do the 'Greenback Jane' arc sooner or later, but as the arc itself is a fairly short one, it'll be as a separate one-shot or two-shot, so while it may not be done for a while, I hope to get it done anyway. Still,** ** _Disquiet_** **itself is finished. I'm surprised it was finished as soon as it did, but hey, the more finished fics, the better, right?**

 **Now, some people asked whether that means I will be going back to** ** _Quoth the Raven…_** **, but sadly, I'm lacking inspiration for that story, so it's on hiatus for now. Also, please remember my stance on people asking for updates (as stated on my profile). That being said, for those of you hungering for similar action, well, there's my other** ** _Black Lagoon_** **story, a oneshot crossover with** ** _A Song of Ice and Fire_** **called** ** _Roanapur's Imp_** **, and, of course, Technomad's excellent** ** _Harry and the Pirates_** **, for those looking for lighter fare that's still recognisably** ** _Black Lagoon_** **. Or maybe Arawn D Draven's** ** _No Rest for the Wicked_** **, also a WCWL story, but less twisted.**

 **This was, oddly enough, my first Wrong Boy Who Lived story to be published. Fitting that it's also the first to be completed. And this was also the darkest, I think, that I have ever made Harry, never mind James and Sirius (while bashable in my other WBWL fics, they're not quite at the level of this one). If you want more WBWL stories, why not check out my** ** _Sekirei_** **crossover** ** _Wings of the Forsaken_** **, and my** ** _RWBY_** **crossover** ** _Neopolitan and the Goblet of Fire_** **? Or Arawn D Draven's VERY dark** ** _Sekirei_** **crossover** ** _The Bloody Ashikabi_** **?**

 **Anyway, this story is done, and I hope you guys enjoyed it.**

 **Review-answering time!** **Leicontis** **: It was a fairly deliberate reference. I mean, it's a good line. And I try to finish my fics, but unfortunately, my muse, to quote Sander Cohen from** ** _Bioshock_** **, 'is a fickle bitch, with a short attention span!' Unless I decide they're abandoned, all fics that haven't been updated for, say, a year, should be considered to be on hiatus at worst, and PMing me or saying in reviews for me to update actually discourages me from updating as it puts extra pressure on me. Of course, sakurademonalchemist isn't the only such writer (though that she managed to finish** ** _Memories of Nobody_** **is commendable). NeonZangetsu is another. Nowadays, even if I do eventually leave a fic up in the air, I try to write at least 20K words or thereabouts (about 8 chapters for me) before I leave it lie fallow.**

 **1\. This scene comes from the second episode of** ** _Doctor Who: Remembrance of the Daleks_** **, where the Doctor discusses the repercussions of actions in a café with a man called John, who is played by Joseph Marcell, who may be better known as Geoffrey from** ** _The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air_** **. Before musing about decisions being like boulders, the Doctor discusses how, if he could change sugar from being desirable, it would have had a knock-on effect for the harvesters and shippers of sugar. John points out that his father was a cane-cutter, and that if sugar hadn't become popular, his great-grandfather wouldn't have been kidnapped and sent to Kingston to be sold. It's one of the best bits of dialogue in the story, if not the entire series.**

 **2\. This comes from the end of the same episode. Shortly beforehand, Ace DOES attack two Daleks with a baseball bat, albeit one enhanced by a Gallifreyan stellar manipulator called the Hand of Omega, so it discharges energy when it hits something.**


End file.
